Long Time, No See

Chapter 5

"Welcome back, Miss Swift."

"Good afternoon, Ella. I'm sorry that the lunch took longer than I expected."

"No worries, Miss Swift. I've scheduled three appointments next week, all at three o'clock Monday, Wednesday, and Friday."

"That's fine. Please write my itinerary for Monday and Tuesday. I'll pick it up before I leave. No more visitors today. Not even Sam."

"Of course, Miss Swift."

Taylor slid open her office door, tossing her coat and purse on one of the leather chairs as she collapsed in another. It had been an interesting lunch. No doubt about that.

Her chest tightened and let loose as her body was racked with sobs. Her head in between her knees and her hands behind her head, Taylor fought for a moment of breath to get some more oxygen. She was so upset she wasn't sure if that moment would come.

"Miss?"

Her head shot up, giving her tunnel vision for a few seconds. After she recovered, she swept the bangs from her face and wiped her face for any runny mascara. Her hand was practically black.

"I told you no visitors, Ella."

"Yes, I know, but I was asked quite forcefully to ask you to leave your office. The building will be closing soon."

"The building closes at eight pm."

"Yes."

"Are you telling me it's almost eight pm?"

"It's 7:55, Miss Swift."

"How long have I been in here?"

"You came back at three."

"I've been in here for nearly five hours."

"...Yes, Miss Swift."

Taylor nodded and stood, feeling lightheaded as she did. How had she not noticed she was crying for five hours?

She gestured to Ella to close the door with wave of her hand, standing up and steadying herself. She felt hungover with sadness and grief. Grief? Was that the right word? Grief is what you feel when someone dies and you can't have them anymore. Maybe she did feel grief. Her relationship with Karlie died, and her engagement meant she wasn't hers anymore. Was she ever really?

The urge to vomit into the wastebin was overpowering, but she kept herself upright and reached for her coat. Karlie was engaged. Like, actually engaged. To be married. Her Karlie, her best friend, her "maybe something more". After over 20 years of the silent treatment, Karlie Fucking Kloss showed up at her office with the news that she was engaged. It felt like a punch in the face or a warning. See? I can do fine without you. I don't need you anymore. I just want to show you how I've succeeded in all the ways you haven't. All the ways you can't. Because you won't be true to yourself. Because you can't tell anyone how you feel.

Karlie wouldn't think that way; Taylor was sure she was actually incapable of negative emotions, especially towards other people. Maybe those were all realizations from herself. She knew they were true. She didn't accept it, but she did know it on some level.

Karlie could do fine without her. She always had, before, during, and after their friendship. She was an independent girl, always looking for new ways to learn and be better. Taylor had been convinced from the first day they met that she couldn't possibly become better. Every day since then she watched Karlie prove her wrong. It seemed she could only improve herself, and Taylor always secretly loathed it. She never knew how to build upon herself, to make the bad better and the good the best. She watched her beautiful model-like best friend climb the popularity ladder all through high school and date all kinds of boys from every social group in town. Karlie could have been a model if she wanted to; she was breathtaking in every way, from her face to her body to her personality. She was stick-thin but healthy, and her skin glowed without ever needing any beauty products. She came from a wealthier family with a little sister Kimby and two loving parents. She had everything Taylor didn't, and despite her love for her, she resented Karlie for it.

"Miss Swift—"

"I'm going, I'm going. This is my office, damn it. I should be able to stay in it as long as I like."

"Would you like me to call you a cab, Miss? You don't look well enough to drive."

"I'm fine, thank you. I'm fine."

Ella nodded as she backed out of the door again, leaving Taylor alone once more. She slung her coat over her arm and grabbed her purse off of the chair and exited the office. Security guards wandered the lobby of her floor, checking to make sure every office door was locked; she caught the elevator just as it was about to be locked, nodding to the guard as a thank you.

Fuck, she thought as the doors closed, leaving her alone with her thoughts again. Fuck, fuck, fuck.