Room 47 | 2Yeon (Adapted)

12. Time

Warning: Rated🔞 ahead

You shift on the sofa you feel like you've sat on a million times before and look across wide expectant eyes. They're not the eyes you're falling in love with but they are the caring eyes of Irene and you're in Room 47, which right now is almost the next best thing. You've been talking a while about your sexuality again but you've given short and vague answers, you still don't want to talk or think about it, in fact you think she's been doing most of the talking today. You're still in shock at what happened last night. Jeongyeon bared her soul to you and you got scared like a fucking child and ran back to Jackson. Having sex with him was just...

"Nayeon?"

Irene reels you out of your thoughts.

"You said you had intercourse with Jackson, I asked you how it felt?"

"Oh," you breathe and you must've zoned out trying to find an answer. "It felt like... nothing" you say simply and shrug like you can't believe your own answer.

"Nothing?" she repeats.

"Yeah... nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if it always felt like nothing and I'm only now just realizing" you mumble completely lost in thought. Truth is, you've been walking around in a daze ever since yesterday. "It wasn't bad or good, it just... was. I was desperate to get off and that's all I thought about, my mind was completely blank. I didn't think about Jackson or even the woman I have feelings for."

Irene sighs and looks a little conflicted. "Look Nayeon, I know it's Jeongyeon, OK?"

Your eyes feel like they're about to pop out of your damn head and you just stare at her, feeling embarrassment and a sense of being caught creeping up in your face.

She smiles reassuringly at you though, "She told me, in truth I think I was the only colleague she trusted the information with, I mean I don't agree with this whole situation at all, but I would never take further action against Jeongyeon, for several reasons that I wont get into. Anyway continue," she says, her soft voice doing nothing to calm your nerves.

"I... how... when did she—"

Irene raises a hand to silence you. "It's not really important is it? I know it's Jeongyeon, the only reason why I told you is so you stop saying 'that woman'" she smiles a little humorously at you.

"OK," you say and gulp, trying to push her knowing it's Jeongyeon to the back of your mind. "I didn't feel anything, because when Jeongyeon touches me, even just... a little hand touch or something like that you know? I feel like I'm alive, and that simple touch does more to me than Jackson ever does, even during sex. The level of feelings and intimacy just isn't there with Jackson, it's like, it's just sex. Everything is just sex and afterwards I just feel numb, like I don't want to cuddle up to him or do stuff with him, in my head I imagine waking up to Jeongyeon and I feel so high just thinking about it, I'd stay in her bed forever, I'd talk to her forever and I feel stupid for not realizing that I don't really feel that way about Jackson. With him everything is so monotonous and the same, there's no high any more, I don't think there ever was."

You feel like you're having another epiphany and frankly you feel scared and vulnerable.

"I see," Irene says gently, "so you say you panicked at what Jeongyeon told you, what part specifically were you thinking about?"

"I don't know" you shrug and try to think; you really don't have the concentration right now. "When she described what being with me would be like I just... I was alarmed at how willingly I was about to drop my entire life for everything she just said. For a split second I was going to do it, I had already imagined packing and going over to Jeongyeon's place. I was so happy in that second."