The fact that I've been sitting in this booth for hours and only have two lines out should prove how much is on my mind.
I have no inspiration left.
I've run completely dry.
Fuck.
I gesture at Erica, the waitress, for the bill. She comes scrambling over. I see her undo a couple buttons on her collared shirt to show her cleavage better. Her and I are nothing, she knows it. We just hook up on occasion .She's just another representation of how much of an asshole I really am.
"It's only $3.80 . Consider it on the house," she says with a bright smile.
On the house , meaning you should fuck me.
"Meet me out back? "
"Like always."
•••••••••••
Grief sex is nice, but it can only remove your mind from things shortly and it makes you feel guilty afterwards. Though I wouldn't exactly call this feeling I feel grief. I just feel empty. Lonely. I think too much.
Lost?
Around 4am I grab my shirt , coat , and pants and put them back on . Like I said , she knows what's up and she's cool about it. I don't leave a note , I don't kiss her forehead or any other romantic gesture , just retrieve my keys and quietly slip out of the door.
It's twilight-ish outside , and instead of going home I drive to an alleyway between Mars Laundromat and a rundown building that used to be a big furniture plaza. There's dogs barking somewhere in the distance.I turn on the radio , a nice soulful song is on. I pull out my Pax , take a hit. Check my phone, a couple missed calls and a voicemail from Fam , a text from Steve.
I listen to the voicemail on speaker .
"Hey man, you've been gone for a while . Steve and I are gonna hit Folly's . Couple people stopped by the house . Uhh, Jhene was looking for you, but she left after Dee and the fellas showed up.But anyway be safe . See you."
I let the beep noise play out a couple times before hitting end.
"I know this music shit ain't shit . And all these random niggas in my house make you anxious," I say over the radio song.
For some reason that violin doesn't sound right behind.
"Mm, mmh, mmh , brr, doo. Doo , doo , doo , doo , dun , dun. Dun , pa."
Eh, it's missing something. I just can't figure out what.
