Let It Out

Chapter 5

it took him awhile untill he could finally speak. he took a deep breath before speaking. "Elle, can.. i talk to you?" he seemed so.. vulnrable, it was almost scary.

"well, of course! what about?" Authelle speaked in a somewhat comforting tone.

"everything." he paused. "everything, Elle." saying this already took so much energy out of him. It's understandable now why he always preffered to keep his feelings to himself.

"Sir, what is it?.. is there something going on?" Authelle sounded more.. sympathetic. The look in her eyes was so genuine, it was like nothing he has ever seen before, it was like she actually cared.

"I'm scared." he admitted. he looked so pained, so sad. Authelle didin't know what exactly he was scared of but, she knew it was bothering him.

"Tell me," she took his hand and started gently stroked his hand. "everything will be okay."

"I'm scared, Elle. they all left.. because-" the saddnes that was in him was replaced by anger and hatred. "those fucking assholes!"

[ Flashback ]

Since a child, Alexander has always been a high achiever, he was the 'gifted' child in the family. he was smart, friendly, pure-hearyed growing up.

The pressure started to build up when he was in high school. he would often be punished if his marks weren't according to his parents, he lived his life under the pressure to be the best and nothing else.

when he was enrolled in Oxford, his parents didin't care one bit about him, it was all about social status, money, but never about him, their own child.

because of that, he grew up closed off, emotionless, cold hearted. but.. there was always a part of him that needed and wanted to be loved, to be validated, reassured. he craved it.

[ end ]

"they're all a bunch of idiots-" he then gets cutt of by Authelle.

"Do not waste your time on them. they are your past." she said firmly yet comforting.

"for fucks sake. i love you! i love your everything. your face, your body, your personality, the way you talk, the way you carry yourself, the way you present yourself." he stoped for a second.

"and i'm scared of you leaving me."  this was even more frightening than anything in his life. admitting what he so calles 'his weakness'.

"oh-" Authelle seemed.. shocked. she just sat there trying to process what he just said to her.

"Just forget it. go home, your shift is done. dissmised." he said coldly. he seemed hurt. but, he didin't know why. this all was a rush to him.

suddenly, Authelle stands up and hugs him. "Don't be scared. be brave, be brave for me." she said as she patted his head.

Alexander sat in his chair, his body tensing up, but then he gave in, gave in to her warm embrace.

he started crying. he was sobbing in her arms, like a child. oh, how he had longed for the feeling of beeing loved.

"It's okay, shh.. your okay.." she comforted him. "Let it out.."