I am not Leoni

Chapter 1 - An Ordinary Day

⚠️TW: This chapter contains descriptions of self harm near the end. Please do not read if this is a triggering topic for you.

Noise. The school hallways rang with noise; it echoed through the hallways and throbbed through Loni's head. People were running left and right, shouting meaningless things and adding to the pool of incomprehensible noise. Loni felt the sudden urge to clap her hands over her ears.

"Leoni!" she heard someone shout her name. Leoni was the name Loni was commonly known by. Everyone, even Loni's friends, called her "Leoni." "Loni" was a special nickname very sentimental to her, and she kept it a secret from the outside world.

Loni looked in the direction of the sound and turned. "Leoni!" her friend Mark repeated, coming up to her.

"Hi Mark!" she replied. "How are you?"

"I'm doing okay. You?" he replied.

"I'm all good!" Loni replied with fake enthusiasm. Then, to fill the silence, she added, "I'm coming to Lucia's birthday party on Sunday." She smiled as if the party was the best event she had ever attended, though she was secretly dreading it. Social events were far from Loni's favorites.

"I'm coming too!" Mark replied, smiling widely. Loni thought he looked stupid with the big foolish grin on his face.

"Of course you're coming; you're Lucia's brother!" Loni replied, laughing her usual pretty tinkling laughter.

"Oh, yeah!" Mark said, realizing. He started laughing along with Loni; her laughter was very infectious.

"Well, I've got to get to class," Mark said, waving. "See you around!"

"See you soon!" Loni replied. Once Mark turned his back, Loni breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, he was gone, leaving her free to go to her math class.

The class was three doors away. Loni hoped she wouldn't have to encounter anyone else on her way there; today was a bad day for her social anxiety. Unfortunately, the hallways were packed with people. They were running, pushing, yelling; the chaos made Loni's head throb painfully. She walked faster—anything to get away from it all. Then, she glimpsed her classmate, Sarah. 'Wave to her, you idiot,' Loni urged herself. Forcing herself to smile, Loni raised her hand and waved eagerly. Sarah waved back, smiling. Loni's pretty smile always brought a smile to her face too.

Loni, who was now at the door to her math class, quickly walked in and shut it. 'That was so awkward,' Loni thought, walking to her seat. On the way, she suddenly remembered she had to greet her teacher. She walked up to her teacher, who was sitting at his desk as usual.

"Hi Mr. Tuffey," Loni said, smiling her signature smile.

"Good morning, Leoni," Mr. Tuffey replied, smiling back at Loni. He was always happy to see his favorite student.

Loni thought Mr. Tuffey's smile looked duller than usual, and she got the dark feeling that she had done something wrong. As Loni sat down in her seat, she wondered why talking to others always had to be so awkward for her. 'Social anxiety sucks,' she thought. 'I wish I was at home by myself.'

'Shut up!' Loni scolded herself. 'Social anxiety is not an excuse to be lazy! You will be friendly, likable, and do well in school. You're perfect, remember?'

Just then, someone sat down next to Loni. Loni turned to see her classmate Kira. Kira was the school troublemaker, famous for pulling various dangerous stunts and fighting other students.

"Good morning, Kira." Loni greeted her. As usual, Loni's kind greeting was met with silence from Kira. Loni shrugged it off; Kira was unfriendly to everyone, and Loni had learned not to take it personally.