I am not Leoni

Chapter 2 - Studying, Shopping, Torture

⚠️TW: This chapter contains very vivid descriptions of animal abuse/torture close to the end. Do not read if this makes you uncomfortable.

 Childish laughter sounded somewhere far away; the echoes made Loni feel strangely nostalgic and forlorn. It was one of those feelings that draped Loni's mood in a cold cloud of strange familiarity and dark foreboding, a feeling she couldn't quite grasp or describe. The happy sound wasn't from a reality Loni was part of; it was a world she had left long ago and could never return to. That world was hers back when she was alive, and now she had given up her life for something else.

Loni had mixed memories of her childhood; some good, some bad. When compared to her current life, however, that carefree time was something Loni treasured immensely. She had freedom back then. Not in the sense of what people let her do, but more in the sense of what she let herself do. Her soul was careless and free like a bird; people could yell at her from below, but she always flew higher until she could no longer hear them. Then she got tired and descended. Then she grew so tired that she could no longer fly at all and gave herself up to the people. It wasn't what she wanted, but what she asked for. There was an enormous difference.

Loni shook her head, telling herself to stop thinking about such pointless things. She brought herself back to her math homework, trying to understand the word problem she was faced with. She had to get at least 98% in math, which would hopefully raise her semester's average to at least 95%. And that was hopefully enough to get a full scholarship for grade 12. Hopefully enough to make her mum proud. Hopefully enough to make everyone proud. Hopefully.

Loni slapped her face hard, making her cheek sting. "Get yourself back on track." she told herself sternly. She had worked on math for two hours straight, and the concepts were still not stuck in her brain as well as she had hoped.

After working for yet another two hours, Loni stood up from her study desk and walked over to the clock. 3 pm. Loni yawned and rubbed her eyes. She was so tired lately and her focus was rapidly declining. Loni slapped herself again, harder this time. Finally something had gotten her to wake up a bit.

Loni stumbled down the stairs to the living room, where her mum was sitting on the couch and talking on the phone with someone Loni assumed was one of her numerous friends.

"Ahh, yes, of course we'll come over tomorrow!" her mum said in a happy tone. "What kind of gifts does she like best?"

Loni groaned inwardly. She had completely forgotten that it was her supposed-friend Lucia's birthday tomorrow. And of course, Loni was required to attend. The very thought of such a meeting made Loni want to hide under the table. No matter how many events her mum dragged her to, Loni never got used to the fake-friendly parties with their endless judgments and expectations.

Finishing her call, Loni's mum turned to her daughter. "Hello Leoni." she said in greeting. "You remember about your friend's birthday party, of course?" Loni's mother was friends with all of Loni's friends' mothers, and was always kept aware of everything going on.

"Yes, of course." Loni replied, smiling. "I've been thinking about the birthday present we should get. I know Lucia likes pretty dresses and other stylish clothing. She likes puppies, too, but she's already getting one."

"The girl clearly has good taste!" Loni's mum exclaimed. "Anyway, you're going shopping for her today. You know best what she likes."

Loni felt a pit of dread form in her stomach. She did not want to go outside at all, let alone at a busy shopping mall. And Lucia could do with some deluxe sweets.

"Alright." Loni replied, suppressing her urge to argue. "I'm going to buy her a shiny dress, just like the ones she likes."

"Good, good!" Loni's mother replied. "And we also have to prepare some food for the party. We must make a great impression on my friend Laura and her daughter Lucia! And think of all my other friends that will be there. We must pick out a pretty dress for you, Loni. Perhaps your frilly blue one will do. I have a matching one. We can both get dressed in matching shiny blue dresses. Oh, we are going to be the most well-dressed people at that party!"