behind cameras- c.l

one

I take a deep breath, leaning my head against the wall and exhaling slowly, rummaging in my jacket pocket for a cigarette. I find one and clasp it between my fingers, clicking my lighter and watching the end of my cigarette turn black and ashy.

Inhaling sharply, I close my eyes and reflect on the day so far, wincing in embarrassment at certain points. My best friend, Alex, had decided to take me as his guest to the F1 paddock, decked out in Williams merchandise.

I was there to support him in the first Grand Prix of the season, of course, but also to meet the other drivers, before I started my new job for Netflix, as the new interviewer for the hit Formula 1 series "Drive to Survive".

Alex and I grew up together in the Suffolk countryside, our families being friendly and having two kids of similar age, leading to us being forced together from a very young age. Thankfully, we hit it off, and even maintained our friendship throughout adolescent and then adult lives.

His passion for racing was evident, even as a young child, and his dad would take both of us down to a track every Saturday morning, early, him racing around on his kart, and me holding my mum's old camcorder, capturing his movements in low quality.

As much as he loved karting, I loved films and filming. Saturday mornings were for his racing, but the afternoons were for movie marathons- everything from Star Wars to Mean Girls to Fight Club. Every film worth watching, we watched, him dozing off and snacking on popcorn, and me watching, captivated, scribbling notes in my sketchbook after, and rambling proudly to anyone who would listen.

As Alex rose through the ranks of Formula 3 and then F2, I enrolled in a film school in Ireland, meaning our friendship was long distance for a few years. After getting my degree, however, I moved back to England, into my own flat in London, and started developing my own ideas.

Stumbling across that old camcorder, I smiled as I watched my juvenile attempts at capturing Alex on film, feeling the stirrings of passion for that sport all over again. I was never allowed to join in- our families deeming it too "dangerous" of a sport for me, but I still maintained a love for it, then and now.

The what-ifs and possibilities of the past sometimes haunted me, but looking at Alex, living out his dream, always helped me stay grounded to mine, which was, of course, making films that I loved, that other people could love as well.

Alex had had a revelation one night, as we were sat drinking wine on my terrace with his girlfriend, Lily.

"Ally," he said slowly, slightly tipsy. "You should make a film."

I laughed.  "That's my whole thing, dude."

"Yeah, I know, but I mean a good film. A really good film. One about the cars and the racing and-" his face lit up, "-and me, of course."

I laughed again, but both him and Lily looked at me, dead serious.

"That's not an awful idea," Lily said, nodding. "An F1 film. There's so many possibilities."

I bit my lip. "I don't know guys...it's a kinda overdone concept."

Lily hits my arm. "Yeah, well, if anyone is gonna overdo it one more time, and do it good, it's you. Go on, Alicia, this is an actual good idea."

Alex nods solemnly. "Just think about it. Trust me. "

And I did. I do. I trust Alex, possibly too much, and now here I am, smoking a stress cigarette behind a trailer, contemplating my experiences in the paddock and F1 as a whole so far.

I had brainstormed ideas for a F1 film for a few weeks, but nothing stuck. I am very active on social media, and shared a lot of this journey online, resulting in Netflix themselves eventually reaching out and offering me a coveted position on the next season of their own show.