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RAINEY BENNET- growing up-flash back-
i was once happy, content sloshing around in my own private, primordial pool.
then one day, for reasons beyond my control i was repeatedly crushed....
over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, leena. i put up a good fight, but i lost. for the first time, but not the last.
i was born 3 days after 9/11. my mother and father spent 2 days in the hospital holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching those towers fall over and over again, until the those feelings of grief gave away to numbness.
and then, without warning a middle class childhood in an american suburb.
"thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen..." i said counting the tiles on the roof.
"what you looking at rainey" my mom asked me "seventeen" i said ignoring her.
"rain, look at me" leena said making me look at her and look back up to the tiles that i was counting.
"one... two... three..." i continued "what are you doing rainey" my mom asked making me start to cry. _____________________
"i'd say she's suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, general anxiety disorder and possibly bipolar disorder but she's a little young to tell" the therapist told my mom making her start to sob.
it's not like i was physically abused or had a shortage of clean water or was molested by a family member.
so explain this shit to me....
"honey, it's just the way how your brain was hardwired plenty of great, intelligent, funny, interesting and creative people have struggled with the same things you struggle with" my mom explained putting all my prescripted pills into a container.
"like who" i said giving her a confused look, "uh.... vincent van gogh, sylvia plath and your favourite britney spears" my mom smiled. ______________
i don't remember much between the age of 8 and 12 just that the world moved fast and my brain moved slow..... i'd die
until every second of every day you find your self trying to outrun your anxiety. _______________
"what's wrong rainey" my mom asked. "i'm just fucking exhausted" i said looking at her as we all sat round the dining table. _______________
"you said the doctor was in our network, how can he suddenly be out of the network. i can't afford it" i heard my mom on the phone as i walked over to my sister who was sat at the dining table.
"did you see that movie of the beauty queen who gets acid thrown at her face?" my sister gabriella asked me.
"mh, uh, what? no" i said "it's pretty fucked up" she said.
