On The Horizon || L.S.

December

Thursday, the 1st through Saturday, the 24th, 2022

December has arrived. It's hard to pretend the cruise was recent anymore. Weaker memories have been fading already, and Harry's life is massively different than it had been. Though he has been through many challenges, just about all of them have led to improvements in his life. He reconnected with the people most important to him. He accepted that he needed to make a change with his job. He fell in love.

That last one still feels like shit, but it happened, and it's hard to be mad about it.

The memorial for Robin was one of the most incredible, cathartic moments of Harry's entire life. Some part of him hoped that it would change how he viewed his work environment, but the hospital is no different than before. While there is a deeper peace within himself, the anxiety triggers linger around every corner as they had. It's hard to recover once your confidence is shaken to that level.

At the end of the day, it isn't a dead end. He's relieved that there is a path forward in his sights, and occasionally he has started tossing out hints that he won't be with the hospital forever. If someone insinuates that he'll understand something in time, he hums, shrugs, and mutters, "Perhaps. Perhaps not." It's only a matter of time before he takes action.

That being said, the timing depends on what's happening with Louis. Harry can't get the idea of being an AME out of his mind. He finds himself watching every plane fly past wistfully, imagining being a part of the team that keeps them up safely, but without having to go on the flights himself. Every time he does that, though, there's a similar mental image of Louis in those planes. There's no chance in hell that Harry could pursue a career like that unless he had certainty that he would be with Louis. If it's not going to happen, it would hurt too deeply.

Louis. Harry misses his pilot so desperately. They haven't had substantial time together since August, and it tears him up inside. With some luck, he'll get the opportunity to spend a couple of days with Louis before he drives out to Doncaster for his birthday and Christmas, but that's not enough. It's never enough - could never be enough. He wants to be flooded with Louis at every moment.

This whole "waiting" thing has to be the most draining experience he's dealt with. If there's one core way Harry relates to Liam, it's wanting to have control over situations. Anxiety gnaws at him as long as he floats in an ambiguous wave, coasting along with no clear endpoint. The antsy sensation scratching at his bones is ceaseless. He needs direction; he needs to sort everything out.

Again, he thinks: would ending things be easier?

Like every time he needs direction, he reaches for his handy box of notes. Which, as of late, has become a box with only a few scraps. It's incredibly depressing. Heartbreaking, Donna might argue.

"Your ability to get along with everyone, including my weirdo friends"

Harry smiles and relaxes back in bed. That is something he's always been very proud of himself for. Though he wouldn't go so far as to call himself a social butterfly anymore, he can bond with just about anyone and everyone he meets. It's not a front, either. He doesn't struggle to find the good in people; it's easy for him to glimpse those things.

Even so, Louis' friends are not weirdos. They're some of the most loyal, trustworthy, hilarious people Harry's ever met. He would never take their easy friendship for granted, and he's grateful daily that they're connected.

"You look fantastic in a suit, unreal in sweats, and absolutely perfect in nothing at all"

That one makes Harry flip over, blushing and giggling into his pillow like he's in school again. Louis is way too generous, but then Harry would say the exact same thing to him, so.