That's it, today I'll say goodbye forever to my love. My beautiful Soph I miss you the day since your parents told me i'll never see you again. Since day your heart stopped beating. I was getting ready for the funeral but I just can't. I sat on the bed and hide my face in my hands. Tears started falling down my face and I couldn't stop crying. My hands started shaking and i couldn't take a breath. I knew i had huge panic attack. It's been dragging brutally since I'm not with you anymore. My love you have to know that I cried the whole night because of you.
My family says that time heals all wounds, but they don't say how long it takes to wean myself off you. It's just so hard for me to let you go. I know that i have to be strong for you but it's just so hard. I can't find myself a place since you're not with me. I even stopped talking to the band, I'm just not ready. I know we have a lot of rehearsals before the concert, but I just can't think about it now. I promised you Soph that I'll do everything to make you proud and I'll make that promise, but i need some time to heal. All I have in mind now is your beautiful brown eyes and blonde hair, your cute smile and your laugh. Your dimples that showed with your every smile. Your sweet voice when you were telling me that everything will be fine when you were in hospital. I still can feel our every kiss. I wasn't crying now. Now i was sitting and smiling like crazy when i was thinking about you. You were everything I ever needed to be happy.
After few minutes my brother came to my room and told me that it's time to go. I still wasn't ready to live without you, and I still think that this is just a nightmare and you'll come to my house and hug me and you'll tell me that everything's okay, and I don't have to be scared. I got up of the bed and went straight to the car. Everyone was asking me how am I feeling but all i was thinking about in that moment was how will i react when I'll see your pale body , your beautiful lips without your smile you always had. I needed to stop thinking about it I know but you were all I had, You were my fucking everything. And now you're gone, you're not with me...
- That's so selfish of you Sophie, u left me and I couldn't even say goodbye.
I whispered to myself. I hate you and I love you at the same time my sweethoney. But remember even if you're dead you'll always have special place in my heart. Even if I fall in love again, you'll be always my first true love and no one can replace you to me. I love you my Sophia
