Is the grass greener?

As a mother in her late thirties with health issues, two teenagers, a toddler and six cats I must admit that I often romanticise the thought of being single and childless.

That's not to say I have any regrets with my life choices just that occasionally the grass seems greener.

Instead of feeling bitter towards these women who had "so much free time" I decided to find out if it was indeed true.

Recently there have been numerous articles about young couples and singletons who have decided they are not having children because they want a "better lifestyle".

On paper these articles portray people, women specifically, in their prime baby making years jet setting off to relaxing or adventure filled holidays, driving the latest cars, partaking in glamorous events and generally living the life of Riley.

But is this accurate?

I would say for the average Jo(sephine) it's a big fat no.

It most certainly isn't accurate.

I decided to take a closer look by interviewing volunteers without children. Initially I hoped for a cross section of women with no health issues but that proved difficult. It would appear that most of the human race have something going on medically speaking so I just added this into their profiles instead.

Looking at several life factors including but not limited to; employment status, hours worked, hours spent on daily commute, hours a day spent sleeping, how long they allow to get ready for work, time spent on chores and hobbies, time spent with family etc it became quite apparent that no matter the situation most of these women still don't have much more than 3-5 hours of free time on an average week day!

Off the cuff this sounds like a lot of time but when you break it down it's really not.

The general consensus from my interviews (which covered a cross section of lifestyles, countries and age groups) was that after all other commitments there really wasn't much time for general wellbeing and just being, particularly if you are one of the women who prioritise sleep.

Another interesting factor was that those who worked shift rotations and Nightshifts felt that overall they had a better lifestyle than when they worked a regular 9-5. However some did say the opposite, that the shift work negatively effected their health. On terms of free time, shift workers with an average work week had more. One of the main factors was a reduction in commute time. The other main factor was when the free time was. Many shift workers found they had three days off together rather than one and a half that most 9-5 workers experience. Those who worked from home seemed to do more hours working due to the no commute factor. Very interesting and again something I'd like to look into more down the line.

This could be a whole other article all together if I'm honest, however this particular article is going to end as it began, with me, a busy mother with health issues wondering if the grass is really greener elsewhere and knowing that no matter our choices or lifepaths that the majority of women do not have time for themselves. That we feel torn and pulled apart by society and social norms whether we have children or not.

There will never be enough time to just be.

Wellbeing is pushed aside because we feel like we don't deserve the down time. We should be doing x,y&z instead says the nag that lives inside our head.

The next question is how do we change this? How do we take time for us without neglecting duty? How do we juggle it all?

Well, I'm sad to say, it appears we can't.

Wise words were sent to me a few days ago;
"you can do anything but you can't do everything".

So does this mean we have to pick and choose daily where our priorities lie and does this add more stress?
Maybe it does but when we realise that even the average Josephine barely has "free" time perhaps we need to re-evaluate our whole societal structure.

A healthier work-life balance would contribute to a more fulfilling and sustainable lifestyle for everyone. It starts with recognising the limitations of time and energy and finding ways to prioritise self-care without feeling guilty.

We can't do it all but we can do whatever we set our mind to.

My mind is on quality "me" time.

POEM inspired by this article

Balance

In the everyday rush, I find my place,
A mother with burdens I have to embrace.
With teens to raise and a toddler’s call,
Six cats around, I feel it all.

I sometimes dream of life less defined,
Where days stretch out, and I can unwind.
I see the stories of those who roam,
Living it up, far away from home.

But is it truth or just a façade?
I wanted to know, so I asked and asked.
Voices shared,
lives laid bare,
Turns out, time,
is rare everywhere.

Three to five hours—how can that be?
After work and chores, where’s time for me?
Even those without kids are just as tied,
Chasing their dreams trying not to get fired.

Some work shifts, finding time to breathe,
But even then, can we truly believe,
That life is better, a brighter scene,
When everyone’s juggling, caught in between?

And here I am, late thirties and worn,
Wondering if I’m tired or just a bit torn.
Caught in a dance of duty and care,
Wishing for moments, feels like a dare.

How do we take what’s ours, without guilt?
In the noise of life, what dreams can be built?
We can’t do it all, that much is clear,
But carving out time for ourselves is a must, my dear.

So, I seek quality moments, just me,
In this hectic life, I long to be free,
To pause and reflect, to simply be,
In this beautiful chaos, I need to be free.

Yet for change to come, society must see,
That wellbeing should matter, and so should we.
Let’s reshape our lives, let balance reign,
For a healthier world is worth the gain.