★ 🎀𝓘𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼🎀 ★·

ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕨𝕖 𝕞𝕖𝕥

Today was much a gloomy game, it is pouring rain outside. The sound of the raining hitting the bus window was somewhat calming, but the dirty bus I'm in and the people around me ruins it. The sound of people yelling and talking to their friends was just annoying to me. They are talking so loud to the point where I couldn't even hear my music. I started to panic, my music was the only thing keeping me calm and not worry about the things around me, like how dirty I felt while sitting in the seat even though I cleaned it before sitting down. My mind started racing, Looking out the window would make my feeling worse, I'm used to walking everywhere because of me having Tachnophobia (Fear of irrational speed) To be honest, I walk around everywhere because  of my fear.. I was so stuck in my thoughts I didn't realize Komori was calling my name. "Sakusa, Are you alright?," Komori asked me worriedly, the coach and some of the rest of my other teammates stared at me.. "Y-yeah, I'm fine.." I say, trying not to show any sign of weakness but of course Komori saw right through me, even with my mask covering my face. "If you're feeling sick at all, let me know. I brought bags for you." Komori says in a soft whisper for only me to hear which brought some reassurance but I didn't show it.  "I wish I didn't run out of medication" I thought to myself, mentally cursing myself for letting myself run out right before we left. All I could do now was just stare blankly at the floor and let my mind worry.. "Slow down.. Slow down.." I thought to myself as I thought about now fast he bus could possibly be going right now. But there was something else that I was worried about..

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After we arrived at the training camp and got our stuff sorted out, me and my teammates  decided to go to the gym to see all the teams that were there. We all looked around the gym, all the teams that were there, we would have to go up against at some point. I thought to myself. I stood in the corner of the gym while Komori went along and socialized with everyone from the other teams. I look across the gym and there I see a guy with blonde hair that was poorly dyed talking to another guy, they looked the same just with different colored hair. I was the fake blonde look at me then smile brightly. His twin looked confused and looked at me to. Then he said something to the fake blonde which clearly made him flustered or he was just frustrated and his face turned red of anger, then suddenly the blonde walked over to me, he looked like he was about to run and hug me. "Heya!" the blonde said, with a bright smile, his smile could of lit the whole room without a single lamp or light on in the ceiling. I just stared at the blonde, memorizing every small detail in his face. I noticed small freckles on the smaller boy. The blonde looked confused, he titled his head like a confused puppy. "Hello?" the blonde asked, then waved his hand in my face, which made me flinched. I heard Komori walk over and introduce me and himself, the looked excited when he heard my name. I was looking around then I saw Hajime Iwazumi  Aoba Johsai's ace. He just waved at me, as I waved back slightly. Atsumu which I learned was the face blonde's name looked at then looked at where I was waving at. He saw Iwazumi and smirked at me. "Is he like your crush or something?" Astumu asked with a somewhat playful tone then I look at him, shooting daggers at him. "Hey Kusa," I low voice said, which I recognized instantly. "Hello Haji" I said with a soft smile, which wasn't visible through the mask. Him and Iwa had started being friends after they had a match against us. We got along instantly and became friends, though got awkward every once and a while at first. "Whose this?" Iwazumi asked, looking at Atsumu. "I'm Atsumu Miya!" Atsumu said with way to much energy. Which caused Iwazumi to roll his eyes. "You remind of Oikawa." Iwazumi said coldly which made Atsumu huff. "Omi! Get your friend!" Atsumu says, pouting slightly. "Omi?"  I say, confused as I look at the smaller boy. "It's my nickname for you." Atsumu said with his bright smile again. Komori walks over to the group and looks at me with a small smile. "I see you made some friends!" My cousin says with excitement in his voice, I stared at him with a blank stare which made Komori instantly shut up. "I'm going back to my dorm." I say with a deep sigh. Before anyone could say anything or try to stop me, I walked out the gym, and headed straight to my dorm. 

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"Thank god I don't have to share my dorm with someone else," I though to myself as I closed the door. I go into the bathroom and turn on the water to take a shower. As I waited for the water to warm up, I closely get undress.. I walked past the mirror and glaze for a second at myself.. There was the body I hated so much.. I hated how I looked, how uneven I looked with my scars and cuts. I had the body of the gender I was born with and uncomfortable with. "I wish I was never born this way, I wish I was born a boy.." I thought to myself. I shook the thought away then got in the shower. Letting my body soak in the running water. As I started to wash my hair, I felt my hair get longer. I didn't like having long hair, but I liked it long enough to at least to put a ponytail. I felt my hand start to shake as I tried to wash my hair. Old memories coming back to him, making his body shake and his breathing uneven.. He hurried and finished his shower without washing his hair, changed into something more comfortable and ran to Komori's room which was down the hall. He knocks on the door rapidly. I heard a thug from the other side of the door then some scattering before Komori opened the door. "What do you want?" Komori said tiredly, I didn't realize he was asleep. I probably should have called to make sure first. "Who is it babe?" I hear another male voice say, then I saw a boy from another team appear behind Komori which made his eye widen. "Babe?" I ask before looking at Komori, who looked nervously at his cousin. "Surprise..?" Komori said, nervously. "We will talk about that later, but can you cut my hair?" I ask, my hands shaking a little which made Komori visibly worry. "Yeah, give me a second" He said, before letting me inside, I sat on the bed as I waited for my cousin. His boyfriend who I found out was Akagi from Miya's team. Komori comes back from the bathroom with scissors and starts cutting my hair to a shorter length. When he was done he lightly tapped my shoulder. Which I stood up and thanked Komori. "Now, are we gonna talk about this?" I say pointing at the 2 of them, before Komori makes up some excuse to kick me out. I  sigh then go into my room. I change into some night clothes, which I didn't even realize how late it way till I looked at the clock. then climb into my bed and fell asleep.. 

Today was a long day..

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Right in the middle of the night, I wake up to my phone lighting up my room.I look at the time and it was 2 in the fucking morning. I tiredly grab my phone and look at the shining screen. It was a text message, but it was a random number. I open the message and start to read them. The messages was from Miya, which then I was added to a group chat with Miya, Iwazumi and Oikawa. Iwazumi's number was the only one I recognized in the chat. I messaged Miya asking how he got m y number which he replied with Oikawa asked Iwazumi to give him my number then gave it to him.  I open the group chat, which was currently being spammed by Miya and Oikawa. They were talking  about something random which annoyed me because of how late it was, but I was also partly grateful? I mean I was struggling to sleep for a while 'cuz of nightmares and thoughts running through my mind. I messaged the group chat asking them to chat in private messages if they were just going to talk to each other, then turned my phone off. I look p at the ceiling knowing I won't be falling back to sleep anytime soon. Then I decided to watch tiktok's on my phone and drink some coffee while I at it.. Today is one restless night, like any other night.