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(Sakusa's POV)

                                                              TW mention of R*pe and Self Harm

Dripping..

The sound of dripping is all I could hear. The sound of  my own tears touching the hard wood floor. The horrid images from of his past flashing in front of him. All from one image from a news article. His uncle had just escaped prison.. The uncle that caused so much pain.. I hold a burning hatred for him. He ruined my life. But hes part of my family, part of my family line.. Hes my father's brother.. Yet he betrayed my trust so fast once he realized I didn't Identified as something different then my body. I hated being born a girl. I hate that I couldn't have been born a boy like the rest of my teammates. I was always different.. My mother and father always said that. But it always hurt to think about how my father sided with his brother of his own son when time came to believe me or his brother. It hurt. 

It hurt really bad..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I hate how sharp my memory is.. I still remember the day it happened that day.  I was only 13..I still remember those very few words I said to the cops moments after it happened.  The event that changed my life forever.. "My uncle raped me." Those words hurt to even think about. You would think it was unbelievable or that it was a sick joke. But it was true.. And I was the reason my uncle got locked up in the first place. Even thinking about it made me sick. The fact that someone would even do that to someone is disgusting.  
But my own uncle did it to me. Right in the holy house. My uncle was a pastor at our church. My parents are heavily religious, however I am not. But I still went to go to church with me. It was after the service, where he asked me to stay back for a bit and take me home after. And my dad trusting his brother, he left with my mother, brothers and sister. Then it happened. Right in the holy house, in the confession box.. He violated me.  I ran home crying, clothes pretty much torn and blood.. Blood dripping down my leg. When I came home, My older sister, Akemi and brothers, Kano and Isamu looked at me worried and concerned. They kept asking me questions, that I wasn't ready and didn't feel like answering. I just wanted to get to the bathroom to clean myself off.. After a while of them trying to question me, I told them what happened.. My Brother Kano was furious, but he had to stay civilized. My sister was trying to rush me to go to the police. But I just wanted to help cleaned off. Which my brother Isamu had to stop him. "I understand that your upset Kano but we have to handle this professionally." He says in a very serious tone.  Isamu had to keep it professional due to him being a lawyer.
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After a few moment, next thing I know I'm in the car. Wrapped up in a jacket  to cover my bruised and bloody body that Kano gave me. On the way to the police station. I could see Akemi giving my small glances from the rear view  mirror. Checking up on me every few minutes.. I was shaking and very nervous. How was mother going to feel? How was Father going to feel when he realizes his brother did this to me.. Would he even believe me? I was so stuck in my head, that Isamu noticed and grabbed my hand.  I flinched a little, but I felt the comfort from my older brother and I felt the tense in my shoulders go away.. Then before I knew it, we were at the police station.  

I was hesitant to go in, but I knew my siblings had my back. So we all went in and everything was done so fast, well expect having to explain everything that happened.  Everything else went by fast. The physical exam and the pictures being taken. But this is what I was nervous about.. My parents had to come in. The cops who were going to be dealing with my case had explained everything to them.. My mother cried, and was worried about me, hugging me. However my father didn't believe me.. He yelled at me to stop making up lies about his brother, and stood bu his side. Which that upset my mother and my siblings. So he was asked to leave, and my mother choose to press charges. Shortly after he got arrested. Then there was me having to speak in court.. Having to tell my story again.
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I felt free after I heard the words, "Guilty" and my attacker was finally locked up. My own uncle, was locked up and it was my fault. My dad didn't talk to me after that, my sister and mother comforted me telling me I did great..  My dad hated me for getting his brother locked up. Even after seeing me cry on the stand, while telling my story. He didn't believe me, his own fucking son.. well daughter. Toya didn't seem to get upset with me when he had heard what his father did to me.. He just seemed, angry at him and upset that he would do something like that to his family..
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After everything that happened, it was so hard to do basic tasks.. I couldn't eat because I could still taste him.. I couldn't sleep because the vivid images would haunt me in my sleep.. 
A lot of those time when the memories took more. I would go into my bathroom and grab my razor.. then all I would see is blood. Blood dripping from my thighs onto the floor which I would end up cleaning.. I still do it til this day.. Even though I promised I would try to stop after my sister found me on the ground in a puddle of my own blood which had me sent the the hospital afterwards.. I've tried to stop. But it helps the memories go away, and help me not feel anymore. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Those memories still haunt me. It is a haunting part of my story but its a part of my story. And it helped make me who I am now, even if it has messed me up in more ways then one.

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⏰ Last updated: Aug 24 ⏰

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