renegade •

1 •

I sat in the dark closet, my mother clutching me to her chest, silently rocking back and forth within the small space. A small slit of light peaked through the gap of the wooden doors. She held my hand tightly, and closed her eyes.

I kept hearing the steps, and as they got closer, I could feel her heartbeat increase. Tears were streaming down my eyes, but I was holding my breath, not letting even the slightest sound escape my lips.

We heard the steps going up the stairs, and I heard my mother take in a sharp breath, she tightened her grip on my hand, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Shhh.. baby.. it's all gonna be okay, we're gonna be alright.. shhh, don't cry baby, mommy wouldn't let anyone hurt you.." she whispered in my ear. I could barely hear the words, yet at the same time, they seemed as if they were blaring into my ears.

Every part of my body was pulsing with fear, and I could feel my bones shaking inside of my pale skin.

A low grunt was distantly heard, and then a twist of the door know. I pursed my lips and held on closer to my mother, if that was even possible. She stroked my hair, and ran her fingertips over the skin on my hand, in patterns.

Click.

I bit my lip, so hard that I could taste the copper of blood on my dry tongue. Someone stepped inside of the room, a wooden door being the only space between the horrible men and my mother and I.

The whispered, in threatening, low voices. "Come out come out wherever you are... c'mon.. little girl? Mommy? We know you're there.." one of them spoke, and I felt my stomach drop, a swirl of fear spread through my veins.

The slit was suddenly covered, and the weak doorknob of the closet was soon being twisted. My mother held me tight, and squeezed my hand tightly, the last time I would ever feel her touch.

There were 3 men, all dressed in black jeans, black belts, and black shirts. Their biceps were nearly busting out of their tight t-shirts, and I immediately pictured that same arm snapping my neck. I closed my eyes one last time, and decided I would not open them again.

My mother held me in her arms, I buried my head into her shoulder, hoping maybe my eyes would burst open any minute and I would realize it was all a dream. But nothing happened.

My mother carefully stood, still clutching me to her body. One of the guards grunted and I heard the swift click of a gun.

I cringed and waited for the slick pain that I was expecting to hit me any second. Instead, the man stared at my mother and yelled for her to put me down.

"Put her down! Now! Go! Put her down of we shoot you both!" he yelled at my mother. I wanted to punch him, but my small toddler hands probably couldn't even puncture a piece of paper, never mind a 400 pound body builder.

My mother carefully unwrapped my arms from around her neck and placed me on the ground. I immediately clung onto her leg and clawed my nails in the skin on her calf. "Mama.." I whispered in a barely audible voice.

One of the men took one easy stride and scooped me up from the ground. I wouldn't have been able to say the word goodbye in the time that he took me.

My eyes burst open and I wailed, sobbing and screaming for my mother. The guard had a strong grip on my little body, and despite my flailing and resistance, I had no effect on the cruel man.

The other one took is gun and pointed it at my mom. The room went silent.

A sudden shrill of what sounded like a bomb, exploded and consumed the room. My mother fell to the floor, and blood immediately pooled around her body like a velvet robe.

I screamed and cried, "Mommy! Mama please! Mommy where are you? Mommy?!? Mommy?! Please Mama don't leave me!" I went on and on, yelling and demanding my mother, but her eyes would never open again. Her heart would never beat again, I would never hear her voice again.

The man let me down and I ran over to my mother, kneeling down and sobbing by her dead body.

What seemed like hours went by, and my sobs died down to soft whimpers.

I wanted to die at that time, I told myself it'd be better than what my life would be like now, and if I died, I could be with my mother again.

Before I drifted off into a sleepy oblivion that day, I spoke two last words, very quietly, hoping that maybe she was heading my pleads.

"Mommy.. please."