Club C: The Only Club No One Wants To Be In

Before Membership

The Me from before. She seems so far away now.
37 year old female
5'8-ish
145 pounds
Born November 7, 1985
Married, one child, a son
One pregnancy, yes to breastfeeding
Answers to questions that will be repeated at me so many times from so many places. But that's after, we are at before.
Before, I had platinum blonde hair, a nice tan, and I was in pretty good shape.  At that time, I had been a teacher in Colorado for almost five years. Previously, I worked as CBRN in the Army, and before that, I was a barn rat and waitress. Life had taken me interesting places, given me experiences and I wasn't done, I had plans. I was going to go back to school for my Masters degree. My husband and I were building, literally, our home in the mountains.
I remember being almost flippant the day he pointed It out. We were showering, he was helping with soap placement and mentioned he felt something in my right boob. I was in the middle of a school year, and as a teacher, time off is a joke. I didn't worry too much and totally forgot about it. I agreed to teach summer school, and my husband reminded me of It a few times. I made an appointment with my doctor through my work insurance who upon examination asked for images. I agreed and we scheduled. Because of my age, insurance didn't cover the imaging and out of pocket before insurance picked up was over 2k and they needed payment day of. I was so upset that day. I remember calling my husband and explaining to him that we needed that much money before the insurance. I was slightly worried about what was going on with my chest. I have fairly lumpy boobs and wasnt expecting anything to be really wrong. What were the chances right?
So, I scheduled an appointment with my primary care physician through the VA and was seen. Mind you, weeks have passed in this process.  This doctor was also worried and so ordered imaging. Couple of weeks later back for imaging. I'm driving two and a half hours to be seen each time at the VA. This time, though, this time was a game changer. Up until now, I was blissfully unaware of the reality of what I was going through. A couple extra doctor appointments, who cares. Mildly inconvenient, but I was on summer break and had time. I got a lot of podcasts and audio books in. I remember this day was multiple appointments. I had time in between but I started the day with a lovely gardening podcast and my first mammogram. The nurse was divine! She helped me through all the squishes and weirdest yoga ever. I was pleasantly surprised at the overall speed that everything happened. The machine was cool as hell! Moved around you and you could almost instantly see the image. Which on one hand is cool as fuck! On the other, it makes making medical decisions so much faster and scarier. My nurse went from being light and smiley to a forced smile and a worried look. She took me to the examination room where you talk to your doctor about stuff and I waited. And waited.  Finally the doctor came in and introduced himself,  Dr. R., he brought up the images and showed me It. He wanted to try and get a better idea of It and asked if I could stay for an ultrasound.  I told them I was there at the VA hospital all day. I had other appointments.  He ended up doing the ultrasound right then. We went to a softer room and he and his nurse conducted the ultrasound.  His face changed part way through.
I have learned that when faces change the way I have watched them, it tends to be life changing.
Dr. R said medical things to me about It and how he would like to get a piece of It to further examine and place a biomarker for any future looks. I was so niave, sure, take a biopsy! Ow! Even with the numbing stuff, that shit hurt. Dr. R was great during the whole procedure, I went to my happy place and he did his job. Afterwards and a few bandaids, he said he would send his findings to my next appointment as soon as he could. Turns out that was just a few hours.
The last appointment was with my primary doctor. Dr. L said Dr.R found some concerning images and they were waiting on the pathology report from the biopsy. That could arrive tomorrow or in two weeks, she would be in touch,  otherwise just try to carry on. Dr. L said that It could be benign and nothing at all that a quick surgery couldn't remove.  Statistically that's what it should be.
Well, shit. Okay. I drove home to True crime.
I went about life as best you can. It was summer time, I enjoyed time with my family, our dog, friends and building our home.
It was a beautiful day. We had driven into town as a family to eat dinner and go to the movies. We had just finished Thor; Love and Thunder and were on our way home. I was driving the three of us, when my phone rang. It was my doctor asking me to come in and chat, she was in my town and available right then, and she had partial results from the biopsy but didn't want to go over them over the phone. I agreed, we were in town right then. My husband took over driving, I couldn't think. My anxiety went through the roof! He drove us to the local doctor's office and we were seen almost immediately. All three of us and the doctor squeezed into this little examination room, I could see on her face we were in for some news. My husband held my hand, I remember the texture of his warm hold over mine as she said, "I'm sorry. It's invasive ductile carcinoma. You have a type of breast cancer. Your tumor is cancer." She probably said other super medically stuff but It was cancer. It was cancer.