The closeted truth. A gay half indian half Pakistani Muslim tale

But first my life !!!!

Before I start with what happened to me  and my horrible decisions, you need to know about my life .
I am half indian half Pakistani born in a Muslim family in a country I am not saying let's say enyeka an African country where homosexuality meant someone losing their life.
When I was introduced to porn I was like 9 years old obviously knew I had to be attracted to woman I watched porn was like disgusted by the dicks but then watched soft porn by bollywood actors came across Emraan hashmi where he had sex with ladies but he removed his shirt showing his hot body with the abs and I really liked it . I didn't know what it meant. What kind of consequences did it have on people like me .
I didn't even know what gay meant or homosexuality.
So I kept on watching the videos where the guy showed his chiselled body but didn't watch porn because of not liking the dick which was weird for me that I didn't like it.
But I really struggled watching like even getting soft gay porn .
Then I entered high school people started working out by people I mean guys that's when I saw my crush he is Abdullah [that's not his name] for me my sexuality is weird I don't care how ugly u are but if u are buff then that guy is my crush that happened to me with Abdullah...he had started working out I knew him in primary his biceps started growing found his instagram where he had posted a shirtless picture.
He was officially my first crush ever like the way I looked. I don't know how no one realised I was gay .
The way I looked at guys was just horrible. As long as he had biceps and an elevated chest, he was my crush.
Which was kinda horrible because I didn't see like the face or anything, just the body.

THIS IS MY CHAPTER ONE. I KNOW IT'S SHORT.
I DONT CARE IF THING IS A FLOP OR HIT .
I JUST WANNA TELL THIS STORY.
PLEASE GIVE ME ANY RECOMMENDATIONS BECAUSE ITS MY FIRST TIME.