Guilt

Flashback...2 years ago

This was the first time our college had taken us to a trip.

Earlier I only use to listen to all the stories our seniors use to tell us about when our college took them to a trip

At that point of time I use to dream of it.

But now all our wishes were granted.

The trip had come to an end sadly after a blast and now, Sukrit and I are entering our room.

We were also required to study as our examinations were beginning from day after tomorrow.

I thought of seeing the notifications on my phone a little bit before sitting to study.

"What is wrong with you? How much enjoyment to you want? Are you even prepared for the test day after tomorrow?" Sukrit snatched the phone from me.

I snatched my phone back. I didnot like being ordered around.

Sukrit became frustrated of me as usual and went to study on his own.

I opened my phone. There was 500 missed calls from ma and another 200 from Adarsh and Mayank. I was stunned.

Why did they call me so many times? Actually I didnkt get any of their calls as there was no signal in my phone for the past 2 days.

I hurriedly dialed ma's number. She picked up on the last ring.

" Ma, what happened? Why did you call me so many times? And Adarsh and Mayank also called me so many times."

No response. I could only hear soft sniffles from the other side.

" Ma, Are you crying?" I said tensed.

This was the first time in all my life that I had heard her crying.

" Hello, Ma Hello? Can you hear...." The line was dead.

" What happened? Everything alright at home?" Sukrit asked me.

I didn't respond to him. I immediately called Mayank. He received the call in the first ring itself.

" Where were you all these days? We've been trying to reach you from the last 2 days? Why can't you pick up the damn phone?" His voice frustrated.

" What happened?" I asked,  fear dripping from my voice.

Suddenly his voice changed to that of remorse. " Uncle....errrrr.....your father..."

My heart was beating fast. What could have happened to baba. I had no idea what was going on.

"What happened to Him? Where is he?" I asked him controlling my fear.

" He's no more, Gaurav" he said in a silent whisper

My whole world was spinning. My father, My baba had died? No this can't be happening, Right?

I think I heard wrong.

" Could you repeat what you said? I think I heard wrong. You didnkt say my father died. Did you? " I said hoping that I had really heard wrong.

" You heard exactly what I said."
I couldn't say a word. Nothing came out. I dropped the phone from my hand. My hands were shaking. I didn't know what to feel.

Sukrit came to me running, consoling me.

" It's  OK. Everything will be alright"

" Everything will be Alright? No nothing will be alright. He promised me he would get me icecream if I scored good marks in my test. So why did he leave me? Why? What did I do wrong? I couldn't even see him for the last time. Why???????" I shouted at him

" Gaurav, please calm down, think about aunty. You need to take care of her too. She's breaking down too."

Then it struck me.

This is the reason she was crying, wasn't it.

I picked up the phone from the ground and called her.

She picked up.
" Ma...... Baba....he left us....." I said furiously crying.

"I'm coming home ma. I'm coming home right now."

" No beta, don't come home. Adarsh has already done your dad's last rites. You have exams the day after tomorrow. Please don't come" Her voice broke at the last word.

" What are you saying ma, an examination is not more important than Baba. Is it? "

" It is beta. It is. If your father sees you missing your examination for him and if he sees that your careergot destroyed for him,  His soul will never get peace. If you love your father even a little bit, you will not come home and give your best at your examinations and make him proud"

I couldn't argue. I didn't go home. I didn't