Isabel in Sproutland

Chapter 4: Meeting Bert and Ernie

Isabel: Oh! Why, what peculiar little figures! Tweedle Bert... and Tweedle Ernie! (I know I know. It's not original, but it's the best I can do.)
Tweedle Bert: If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!
Tweedle Ernie: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us!
Bert & Ernie: That's logic!
Isabel: Well, it's been nice meeting you. Goodbye!
Bert: You're beginning backwards!
Ernie: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.
Bert & Ernie: That's manners!
Isabel: Really? Well, my name is Isabel and I'm following a blue duck. So...
Bert: You can't go yet!
Ernie: No, the visit has just started!
Isabel: I'm very sorry...
Ernie: Do you like to play hide-and-seek?
Bert: Or button-button, who's got the button?
Isabel: No, thank you.
Bert: If you stay long enough we might have a battle!
Isabel: That's very kind of you, but I must be going.
Bert & Ernie: Why?
Isabel: Because I am following a blue duck!
Bert & Ernie: Why?
Isabel: Well, I- I'm curious to know where he is going!
Ernie: Ohhhh, she's curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! ts!...
Bert: The oysters were curious too, weren't
they?
Ernie: Aye, and you remember what happened to them...
Bert & Ernie: Poor things!
Isabel: Why? What did happen to the oysters?
Bert: Oh, you wouldn't be interested.
Isabel: But I am!
Bert: Oh, no. You're in much too much of a hurry!
Isabel: Well, perhaps I could spare a little time...
Bert & Ernie: You could? Well...
Bert: 'The Walrus and the Carpenter'!
Ernie: Or: 'The story of the curious Oysters'!
Bert & Ernie: The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might, he did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright. And this was odd, because it was the middle of the night. The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand. The beach was white from side to side but much too full of sand. 'Mister Walrus', said the Carpenter: 'My brain begins to perk. We'll sweep this clear in half a year, if you don't mind the work.'
Walrus: Work? Uh, pff, brrrr! Uh the time has come...
Bert & Ernie: ...the Walrus said...
Walrus: ...to talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Callooh, callay, no work today! We're cabbages and kings! ... Oh, uhhh, oysters, come and walk with us. The day is warm and bright! A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, would be a sheer delight!
Carpenter: Yes, and should we get hungry on the way, we'll stop and uh... have a bite!
Walrus: Hrmmmm!
Bert & Ernie: But mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head. She knew too well this was no time to leave her oyster bed.
Mother oyster: The sea is nice, take my advice, and stay right here.
Bert & Ernie: Mom said.
Walrus: Yes, yes, of course, of course! But eh... haha! The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other
things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Haha! Callooh, callay, come run away! We're the cabbages and kings! ... Hrmmm, well now, uh... let me see... Ah! A loaf of bread is what we chiefly need.
Carpenter: So how about some pepper and salt and vinegar, aye?
Walrus: Oh yes, yes, splendid idea! Haha, very good indeed! Now, if you're ready, oysters dear... haha... we can begin the feed.
Oysters: Feed?
Walrus: Oh yes, ahh, the time has come, my little friends, to talk of food and things!
Carpenter: Of peppercorn some mustard seed and other seasonings. We'll mix them all together in a sauce that's fit for kings. Callooh, callay, we'll eat today, like cabbages and kings!
Walrus: I uh, weep for you, I -uh- oh, excuse me, I deeply sympathize. For I've enjoyed your company, oh, much more than you realize.
Carpenter: Little oysters, little oysters...
Bert & Ernie: But answer there came none. And this was scarcely odd, because, they'd been eaten, every one!
Walrus: Hmm, well, uhhh, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, hmm... the time has come!
Bert & Ernie: We're cabbages and kings! The end!
Isabel: That was a very sad story.
Ernie: Aye, and there's a moral to it.
Isabel: Oh yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. Well, it's been a very nice visit...
Ernie: Another recitation...
Isabel: I'm sorry, but...
Ernie: Its titled 'Father William'.
Isabel: But really, I'm...
Ernie: First verse: You are old father William, the young man said and your hair has become very white. And yet you incessantly stand on your head, do you think at your age it is right, is right, do you think at your age it is right? Well, in me youth, father William replied to his son, I'd do it again and again and again and I'd done it again and again and again...