A/N
Ignore my mistakes ❤️
Enjoy
P.s don't forget to comment
𝘗𝘢𝘴𝘵
𝘑𝘢𝘺 𝘗𝘖𝘝
I sit in the office filing paperwork for the pack and I feel nothing, I haven't felt anything but pain in what feels like years, it's only been a week since he left.
I feel like I can't breathe, I messed up and I'll never get the chance to fix it.
𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳 𝘗𝘖𝘝
Jay feels like a shell of his former self like he is no longer residing in his body. To say the last few weeks have been challenging is an understatement can't live without his lover and unfortunately he is just realizing that. Jay never realized how much he depended on his lover to keep him sane even if he felt like he was mad at him or that he didn't want him, he loved them - he loved him so, so much.
Jay wipes a hand down his face and frustration, he can't get the work done, he can't think irrationally like this. Probably he gets up from his chair and walks out of the room. He walks to his bedroom grabbing his bag, his phone, and his charger, he can't be here so he's going back to his loft. Without a word Jay leaves the pack house, he doesn't know what to do with himself, he feels so hopeless, and being in the house where his lover once resided is not helping.
So Jay drives, he drives all the way to his loft where he can be alone, well almost as alone as he feels.
Jay locks the door when he gets in and immediately gets a shit load of snacks from his fridge, whipped cream, apple pie– chocolate.
He walks over to his couch with his hands full, sets his snacks down beside himself, and begins watching Tv, well he tries to.
Everything being recommended to him is romance. With a sigh, he swirls some whipped cream in his mouth and with a blank stare scrolls through what movies to watch.
After a while he still finds nothing, so he scrolls through his camera roll. Looking at pictures from parties and other events attempting to get back to his old self, as he's scrolling Jay see's a picture of Nazhier sleeping. This was an old photo that Billie sent to him when she found him and Naz sleeping together softly. Jay stares at the photo, he looks how at peace they both look, he remembers how good Nazhier smelt and how soft his hair was on the older man's skin.
Jay stares for so long that his phone turns off and when his screen goes black he is forced to look at himself. He wears a frown and tears stream from his now dull seemingly lifeless eyes. He doesn't wipe his eyes, Jay stares at himself zoning out. He thinks about how he failed, failed himself, his pack– Nazhier.
He doesn't want to be like this anymore, he wants to go, go away forever, and never come back. Jay wants to vanish.
It wouldn't be hard. All he would have to do is get the silver pocket knife his friend gifted him some time ago.
He could be gone in a matter of minutes, he wouldn't be able to disappoint anybody anymore, Nazhier was probably better with him, Jay thought.
Just then Jay is brought back to reality, his mother is calling.
Well, she has been calling for over a month but Jay has been avoiding her, he can't let her see him like this, so broken down and vulnerable.
He wants his mother to see the strong man she raised, not this.
He can only avoid her for so long though, so he picks up the phone.
"Jay, baby– how comes ya fada call me and say you left? Bai, how come you don't answer my calls, you tink you is a bad mon now?" Jay's mother says with her thick trini accent
