A Piece to Let Go

Taste of the Moment

As the leaves fell off the tree,
Why can't my heart get out of thee?
I'm still here, staring at the oblivion- alone...and lonely.
I'm still wishing, hoping you're still by my side.

"What are you doing, Lene? I already told you to stop writing in the balcony at night since it's cold out there. Get inside the house quickly!"

I get out of my reverie the moment I heard my mom's voice. Sigh. It's been 2 months huh? As I entered my room, I unconsciously stared at the bed. I felt a pang in my chest.

How can home make me feel so out of place without you lying in my bed?

When I averted my gaze, I noticed a pile of papers in a box.

"Mom must've thought I needed this for preparation of the upcoming board exam.*chuckle. I really did a bad job at taking notes during college."

As I rummaged through the box, my actions stopped when I saw a photo and a bar of Hershey's cookies 'n' creme. I can't help but shed a tear as I remembered the past.

I was in my first year of college when we first met. Those black orbs seemed to stare through souls. They penetrated my facade that I myself have been fooled with.

It was such a depressing time. All the problems came in waves. So tyrannical that even the shore does not feel safe. And when I felt the urge to drown in misery, she anchored my thoughts.

I often found myself wanting to be lost, to travel the unknown, and be part of it. Then, I'd remember that she's still waiting- wagging her tail as I come close at the door.

Two months ago, I returned home bearing a piece of good news- I'm finally going up the stage to receive my diploma tomorrow. I did not get defeated by depression and anxiety. I survived for four years. I did not give up on life. And she was a great part of the reason I held on.

So, with a bar of Hershey's and a packet of dog treat, I excitedly went home. But I can't see her black fur. It gave me chills as I stayed rooted in place- watching her in the corner, barely breathing.

Sucking my breath, I stopped reminiscing the past. Grabbing the bar of Hershey's, taking a bite piece by piece, I shed tears bit by bit.

Two months ago, this piece of chocolate tastes of bitter truth. The piece of regret, hurt, and unfairness of how you did not make it to my graduation. But I realized, it's time to let go of that piece.

In this moment, it tastes sweet. A sweetness brought by the relief of knowing that you, my baby cookie, is now free of pain. It tastes of the pride in knowing that I'm still alive- writing the new chapter of my life. So, watch me live it for the two of us.