Signals

Signals: Part 1

Karina had her head resting on her arm, laid across the table, pouting. Her heart's a mess, her mind's all over the place, and her body was exhausted from the lack of sleep. On good days, she could deal with her unrequited feelings but on days like the past week, the thoughts of what-ifs and maybe's get to her. Yeji spared her a glance, shaking her head sympathetically and continued to read her book.

"Isn't she your best friend? Shouldn't you know her well?" Yeji asked her, without looking up from her book and flipping a page over.

Karina didn't reply. It was true, but it was complicated.

Yeji was her only confidant who knew about her feelings for her best friend. They met 2 years ago in freshman year of college and immediately hit it off. They had been close friends ever since. The best friend that Yeji was referring to was Winter; a year younger, and her neighbour for 10 years. Her best friend, and someone whom Karina had been completely in love with for the past 3 years. She couldn't tell their mutual friends about her feelings without risking the truth being let out before she was ready (if she was ever going to be), but she had to talk about it to someone and Yeji was the only one she could trust with it.

"I can't tell... she treats everyone she's close with like the way she treats me."

Yeji looked up and quirked an eyebrow. "Are you sure..?"

Her reaction made Karina sit up, now confused. "What?"

"I can't believe you've been pinning over her for years and didn't pick up on it," she replied, laughing at her.

Frowning, Karina whined, "Don't laugh at me. Pick up on what? What are you going on about?"

"If I were to call her right now, and said you were crying, she'd be here in a heartbeat, and probably angry as hell that something or someone upset you."

"Okay... but she'd be like that if Giselle or Ning Ning were crying too," Karina reasoned, mentioning 2 other close friends of hers and Winter's.

Yeji looked at her quietly before saying, "No, I don't think so. She'd turn up, yes. Maybe with a gentler approach, to comfort them. But she'd get upset, and mad, for you."

She pondered on what Yeji was saying, unsure if that meant anything.

There was a pause as Yeji seemed to consider something before deciding to just say it. "She doesn't seem to like me, by the way."

"Huh? What do you mean? She barely knows you," Karina countered. The two of them had met briefly, maybe thrice, in passing. She doubted Winter disliked her, the girl barely disliked anyone without a good reason.

Yeji grinned. "Exactly, but I'm sure. She practically glares at me when she sees me and shuts down, it's hard for me to talk to her. I know you said she's very reserved but I don't think that's it. I'm guessing it's because you hang out with me pretty often."

Still not getting it, she had to ask, "And.. that's a good thing?"

With that, her friend laughed again and shrugged. "Not sure, she's your best friend. Is that a good sign?"

Flopping herself back down on the table, Karina groaned in frustration. "I have absolutely no idea."

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[~Three years ago]

Karina had never thought of dating girls. It was only in high school that she was exposed to the idea of a girl dating a girl. It wasn't that weird to her, she figured as long as the feelings were true and sincere, anyone could date whomever they want. It wasn't a big deal to her, that was how she was brought up. Her parents were extremely open minded people and judged nothing but of someone's morals and personalities. She believed in that too, if someone was genuinely a good and kind person, why judge them by their lifestyle? The thought of her liking another girl, though, had never occurred to her, much less falling in love with her best friend.