"I tell you I am worried about him. Can you please just come home already?"
"..."
"No! I told you, he is not- He is not doing well i can see it- Are you serious right now? You are a doctor mum and the only thing you can do about your son is prescribe him some pills?"
"..."
"You don't even know what's wrong- I- Don't talk about him like that- Yes mum, I eat- No, this isn't about me!"
"..."
"Okay... I'll take it from the pharmacy but- Mum? MUM!? Tch, as if she wouldn't bang it on my face."
"Felix? What are you doing?"
"Nothing Hyun, I was just talking with mum, she is going to send you some meds-"
"I told you I don't need these again, I'm fine."
"Hyun, you look like the time dad left and we moved. Back then-"
"I'm not like that now..."
"But you are! Look at you-"
"Felix, you should not be one to talk and... this is my life and I get to live it how I want."
"Well, I wouldn't be such an ass to you if you actually lived-"
"And? What if I want to throw my life away? You are literally doing the same."
"What are you even implying?"
"Do you think I am an idiot Felix? Everytime you go into that bathroom I can hear your vomit splashing and I've seen your scars and-"
"You don't know what you are talking about, just stop."
"Just leave! It's not like I need you nor that you care for me."
"What?"
"You heard me. Leave!"
"Very well then, I will leave. I've been wanting to leave and live for sometime now but decided to stay by your side. I guess you aren't worth it. I guess mum was right you're just a fuck up whenever you go."
...
Hyunjin... ever since Felix left because of him he felt tremendous guilt. But at least his brother was honest with him for the first time in their lives.
It hurt him deeply to hear these words coming out of his brothers mouth, but he was right and Hyunjin knew what he had said was true.
It's not like many things have changed drastically... or maybe they did.
Now no one would check up on him. Once in a while there would be a message from Changbin asking if he was okay, in the context of if he was alive, but nothing more nothing less.
He wasn't lonelier than before. It was almost the same.
He did have more freedom.
He would go like a nerd to each one of his college classes, in hope of getting a better grade, and once his classes were over he would lock himself up in his house.
His mum would never call or text, she would just send him his antidepressants and if she was feeling generous a bottle of sleeping pills too, for which he was thankfull indeed, as they were the only way out of his thoughts every night.
As for the antidepressants... he was just storing each bottle in his cabinet, just in case. Now that Felix was living with Chanbgin, he didn't need his permission to take one nor was he being monitored about the dosages.
He had seen him once or twice but each time he was ignored by him and honestly he felt like he deserved it.
One of the two good things out of this might be that at least while his own health withers away, Felix seems better than ever and he has to admit, he is happy for him.
The other one is how easy it was for him to lose a significant amount of weight in such a short amount of time. Had he known the impact Felix's presence had in his life, he would have kicked him out earlier, if that meant he would have achieved his goal weight.
In a matter of a month his scale was showcasing numbers he had been craving for, for years.
Yet... he still had a long way to go.
His weight loss wasn't enough for him to be seen as unhealthy. He wanted to be frail, fragile... weak, weaker than he is at least.
He needed people worried for him, people thinking he was a walking skeleton.
He was craving for a permanent thigh gap and hollowed cheeks.
He needed constantly ice cold hands which would showcase every vein of his.
He needed pale skin and a ten inch waist.
He needed his ribcage and collarbones poking out of his shirts.
He needed to be able to wear Felix's forgotten clothes and float in them.
He needed...
"Mr Hwang!"
"Yes!"
"It's been three minutes since the bell rang. I am aware you didn't pay attention to that."
"Yes sir. I apologize, I'll take my leave."
"No, that's fine. I wanted to talk to you either way. I've noticed you've... how should I say it... kind of lost your interest in my lesson and you used to be the best at organic chemistry...
However, the reason I wanted to have that conversation is because I am concerned about you Mr Hwang. The last month you seem... gloomy, you are pale and you have seemingly lost a lot of weight. I happen to be aware of your past and I must inform you if I notice any more decline in your physical or mental health I will have to contact your brother."
"Sir, no please! I am just fine. There is no need to speak with my brother."
"You denying anything gives me another reason to do so."
"No... please. It's fine. I am fine, I swear. There is no need to worry about me, now please excuse me."
Hyunjin ran out of the class.
Yes, this was exactly what he wanted, someone to pay attention to him but... not that soon. He needed to be at his lowest first.
How did someone found out so early?
His thoughts tangled and danced around his head, his mind blacking out and suddenly after an unidentified amount of time his vision came back and he found himself in his bathroom with a pair of scissors on his hand and scattered lines on his arms, adding to the already existing ones.
