Put Down The Knife

{This is a requested "imagine" from a tumblr blog for imagines about Ashley. The one the blog posted wasn't what the fan requested, and you can see what he/she requested in the attached photo. At the bottom of the fic is a link to a photo of the outfit described. I decided to write EXACTLY what the fan requested, so here it is. I used myself to save the trouble of having to pick a name, make up a backstory, and make up how the chick looks. Warnings for spanking, cussing, and self harm.}

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I looked up from the couch arm as my Fennec fox, Kichi, jumped up onto my legs and whimpered. I wiped the tears from my eyes and sniffled, petting him with one hand. "S-Sorry buddy, Ashley's gonna be here in fourty five minutes to get me for our workout, I don't have time to walk you." I choked out. He whimpered louder and nosed my wrist into my lap, licking it. "You always know when I'm wanting or going to cut." I mumbled, scratching his ear before putting him on the floor of the studio apartment I shared with my guitarist.

I grabbed my favorite black yoga pants, my Batman bikini, and my sheer black tank top covered in black crosses before heading to the bathroom to change. Once I had done that, I fixed my ponytail and stared at my reflection in the mirror with digust. "You're fat, you're ugly, no one will ever want your stupid ass, you don't deserve to live." I told the face in the mirror. My tears started up again as I fumbled with one of the drawers, pulling out a hidden razor blade. "I don't see why Ashley and the boys actually wanted to be my friends, I'm worthless!" I cried, sitting against the shower door.

I put the blade to my wrist and swiped it across as fast as I could, waiting until I saw blood before making another cut, this time deeper. I started crying harder as I made slow, deep cuts up my wrist. After I had made five, I heard Kichi barking and running around, but I just tuned it out and started a sixth cut. "Hey Rayne, are you okay? You left the door unlocked and you weren't answer-what the hell are you doing?!" I jumped and dropped the bloody blade to the floor at hearing Ashley yell, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. Ashley grabbed my untouched wrist and yanked me to my feet.

"A-Ashley! I-It's not wha-at it looks like!" I cried, scared of what he might do. I could see it on his face that he was pissed. He put a washcloth over my bleeding cuts and used a ribbon I had left on the counter to tie it on before dragging me to the small couch. "Ashley, let go! You're hurting my wrist!" I said. Ashley stopped at one side of the couch, pulling my arms behind my back before bending me over the arm. My stomach dropped when I realized what he was about to do to me. "Wait, don't belt me! Please!" I begged. "Alright, fine. I won't take my belt to you. But I'm still going to blister your ass!" he yelled, pulling me up and sitting down on the couch.

"Ashley, I'm sorry! Don't!" I said, but it was too late. Ashley bent me over his lap and held my arms to my back, raising his right hand and bringing it down on my ass. Hard. I bit my lip as he started a quick pace of spanking, feeling more tears spill from my eyes. "Stop! Please! That hurts!" Ashley started spanking harder, switching to slapping my thighs. I yelped in pain, kicking my legs in a pitiful attempt to make him stop. "Rayne Christiana, if you don't be still then your pants are coming down!" Ashley warned, going back to my ass. "No! Please! I'm sorry!" I cried.

After about half a minute, Ashley switched to spanking my thighs again, making me whimper loudly. "Were you trying to kill yourself, Rayne? I thought I and the others told you to talk to us if you felt like cutting or killing yourself!" he said in a scolding tone. "I-I-I'm sorry! Ple-ease sto-op!" I begged. Ashley raised his knee up and slapped the area where my ass and thighs met a few times before stopping and standing me up. I was sobbing, rubbing at my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. I was suddenly pulled down into Ashley's lap, whimpering at the contact as he started rocking me.

"Shhh, hun stop crying, I'm done." he said to me. I wrapped my arms tightly around his chest and cried into his shoulder. "Please, just tell me why." Ashley said as he put one hand behind my head and the other on my lower back. "N-Nothing's going right. I-I'm fat, ugly, stupid, and my band isn't going anywhere! I don't even see why you and the boys are even friends with someone as worthless as me!" Ashley held me tighter, leaning back a bit. "Don't you ever think that. You're beautiful and very talented. Getting somewhere in the music business takes time, honey." he told me.

"I-I know, but I've worked so hard and we haven't really gotten any new fans in months! I feel like we're not good enough, that I'm not good enough! I feel alone and unloved!" I cried. Ashley stood up and carried me to the bathroom, shushing me the entire time. He sat me on the cold counter and started looking through the cabinets. "Where's your medical stuff?" he asked. I pointed to the door next to the one he was looking in and sniffled, starting to calm down. Ashley stood up and set a few things on the counter, taking the ribbon and washcloth off my wrist to clean the small gashes.

I winced when he cleaned them out with disinfectant, squirming a bit to try and get more comfortable. "Rayne, you're not alone and you're definitely loved. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't have spanked you and I wouldn't be standing here, cleaning and dressing your cuts. You're like a little sister to me, to all of us, and I wish you could see how much we love you. Jinxx even told me that he and Sammi want a little girl who will be just like you." I sniffled and blushed a bit at what Ashley had just said, glancing up at him nervously. "R-Really?"

"Mhm. I can't stand seeing you do this to yourself. Every time I see your scars, I feel like crying because I know how badly you must've hurt to do that to yourself." I looked down at my lap, whimpering when Ashley started wrapping gauze around my wrist. "I don't want you going down the same path I did, just like I don't want Andy to." I fought back more tears as he finished bandaging my arm and securing the gauze with medical tape. Ashley stood directly in front of me and hugged me, rubbing my back lightly. I hugged him back, letting him lift me off the counter and onto the floor.

"I'm sorry, Ashley." I mumbled into his shoulder. "It's alright honey, you've been forgiven. Just please promise me you won't do it again." I nodded, hugging him tighter. "I-I won't, I promise." Ashley pulled back a bit, kissing my forehead and wiping my tears with his thumbs. "It hurts..." I said quietly, blushing. "I know it does. Come on, let's put an ace bandage over your wrist and head to the gym. We don't need people asking questions." he said. I nodded and followed him out of the bathroom, grabbing one of my ace bandages from my dresser and letting him cover my wrist with it before we left in his car to the gym.

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Here's the link to the outfit I described, as promised; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=75963482