"Im in a really deep Micheal Jackson phase right now and I dont know why"
"I havent seen this much hapiness on social media in a LONG time, thank you One Direction"
"Someone said I looked like a 19 year old uncle yesterday"
"Stop pulling at my heart strings 1D"
"My mom is texting me a ll the young pictures of me and its bringing me memories I didnt know I had"
"Welp. I guess im a lightweight."
"My mom and I are the weirdest duo on the planet when we're together i swear"
"I wish I could have face tats for like one week but it doesnt really work like that huh"
"Always feel like Im living in a dreamy reality until i get caffeine. blurry vision blurry mind"
"Learned how to drive manual for the first then drifted that car today im surprised i didnt kill anybody."
"Crows are honestly just death metal chickens"
"Friday by Rebecca Black is my anthem"
"I am becoming a hummingbird father"
"Hey if any of you have a semitruck could you please run me over with it thanks"
"Happy Easter, Im hungover, goodnight?"
"Theres an angry squirrel in our backyard that tries to kill me every night."
"F U cuddle weather"
"Dude i cant stand not having feet"
"Sometimes i see my nose piercing in my peripheral vision and i think its a bug and punch myself in the face"
"Dopamine detox"
"hahah, hey whats up guys its Salmon Colby"
"I miss my schizophrenic cell mate who woke me up in a state of terror every 30 minutes"
"Everynight when the clock strikes midnight the tacobell gods descend from above and bully me into eating their beefy 5 layer burrito. I need help."
"I cant trust anyone who eats chunky peanut butter"
"Kidney stones scare me, like i dont wanna piss out a rock."
"I wonder if my postmates driver eats my fries"
"I still sit at the kids table during Christmas even though Im almost 23 years old"
"Day 3 of no food in the quarantine, not sure how much longer i can go with just a few almonds to spare. Everything is spinning slowly...Ive been seeing silhouettes in my room dancing gracefully on the walls, I think my mind is eating me. Would you guys be mad if I ate Sam?"
"Youre gonna wish you were never born Jake Webber"
"Our neighbors are so scary, saw this old woman in a nightgown running around at 10pm last night not making a sound...please SOS."
"Just got yelled at on my walk by a 93 year old grandma it was dope hows your day goin"
"Does it hurt having a demon in your 🍑 @samgolbach ?"
"Like imagine Shaq running around in a teletubbie costume singing and dancing to children"
"Im in love with ghost prostitutes"
"Why does google say I have a child"
"Im goin through security at the airport and the TSA agent is like "Quick a T-Rex cant clap because..." I say "Cause his arms are too short of course!" He goes, "No because theyre extinct, go forward." ...great convo right there."
"Mr steal yo girl"
"I showed my dad yung lean and now hes a sad boy like me"
"Flight attendant just accidentally spilled an entire bottle of champagne on @samgolbach we're in the air for the next 10 hours"
I now present Colby Brocks funny tweets, this may not be all of them but theyre some of my faves. Love you.
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Colby Brocks tweets
HumorMy favorite Colby Brock tweets, ranging from his deep ones, to the most stupid ones you will ever read. Live laugh love Colby Brock. I wrote all this in one night, i couldve copied and pasted them but I only realized this after i tediously typed e...
