To My First Love

+

Hi, R.

I want to talk to you for the last time. But how can I do that? I don't have the confidence to do so. I seriously want to ask so many questions. I thought all those questions that I was bottling up were already answered, but I was wrong. There's still a lot of them, and it keeps me from moving on from you.
 
I'm afraid of what will happen after yet another year. I'm so scared that if you come back after some time, you'll have someone beside you already, and I still haven't moved on. What will happen to me? I'm anxious; I'm seriously frightened.
 
I'm trying to move forward, but something's keeping me moving backward. I can't pass this stage; I can't accept any of these. I need your help, but I don't know what specifically.
 
I don't want to keep hurting; I don't want to keep breaking this already broken heart again and again.
 
Will you help me, or should I just go on bleeding and never look back at you again?

*****