I am. I am. I am. -- Chapter One: Move

Chapter 15: A Slip of the Tongue.

When I woke up Niall was still asleep. I smiled and kissed his cheek and attempted to get up.

He held my waist tightly and groaned. "Nooo."

"I just want some water!" I laughed. "And maybe some asprin if you have it. ." I smiled.

He kissed my forhead and got up.

I smiled. I don't ever remember smiling this much. 

"Here you go." He smiled handing me a pill and a glass of cold water. 

I was suprised at how thirsty I actually was. 

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked. 

My eyes widened and I nodded. "Actually I am freaking starving!" I laughed. 

"Do you want to come to the store with me?" He pleaded.

"I can. . if you want." I was nervous about going out in public with him. There was a lot that I could handle but harsh criticism from the public was something I never had delt with. 

"Don't worry about the fans," He laughed, "I have become an expert escape artist." He grinned. 

"Is it wrong to feel like I am in a James Bond movie right now?" I joked. 

"Not at all, 007 babe." He winked. 

He was a goof. I loved that about him. I am pretty sure if it wasn't for Lisa checking on me and Niall taking an intrest in me I would be in my house depressed about the move. 

I hated America, I just can't see my dad as often as I would like to now. He was my rock, even in his grave. 

"What's wrong?" I felt myself tearing up. 

"I am just kind of missing home." I felt like an idiot. 

"I thought you hated that place. . " I confused him a lot. I kind of found it funny. 

"I do. I just miss my friends. My life there. My dad. . ." I rambled. 

"Oh. Where is your dad?" He asked curiously. 

"Dead." I stated blankly. 

"How. . " He half- whispered.

"We were out on the motorcycle, after a thunderstorm. It was our thing. The breeze was wonderful and my mom likes the house I million degrees," I laughed and wiped my eyes, "A drunk driver was on the opposited side of the road and hit us head on. Thank god he wasn't going to fast. I got thrown off. And my dad got paralyzed." I sighed.

Niall just looked at me.

"Three months later he killed himself." I sobbed.

"It was all my fault. I wanted him to come with me, he really didn't want to that night but I begged...."

He cut me off, "It is NOT your fault." Niall said sternley. He hugged me for a long time. 

"Is that why you did this?" He asked as he gently grazed over the scars on my arm with his fingertips. 

I don't know why it was so easy to open up to him, but for whatever reason it was. 

I nodded. "I wanted to go with him. . ." 

" . . . I went into the hospital for a year, thats where I found out I was bipolar." I admitted to him. 

He had tears in his eyes. "Oh No! I scared you didn't I. . ?" I panicked a bit. 

Not everyone can deal with the fact that I am crazy, I should have known that. 

He didn't say one word he just leaned down and kissed every single one of the faded marks of hatred I left on myself. 

He took my face between his hands, "Don't ever do it again. . " He whispered. 

I nodded and then he gently pressed his lips to mine.