Kpop sickfics

Gunil - thoughts -

warning! This fic contains suicidal thoughts and suicide! Please use this warning if you are sensitive towards things like this and skip to the next fic (if there is one )

This is entirely fiction and non of it is true! I do not wish this on anyone or any of the other idols I have wrote about

But other than that enjoy!

( where gunil is feeling insecure about being a bad leader to his members and a bad person in general and feels like he isn't enough for this world )

Goo-Gunil, 25, the leader of the boy band group of JYP called Xordinary Heroes. Was a Student of scholarship at the famous Berkley music college, a son and a brother of 5.

Ever since his younger years Gunil has problems with his confidence and is a victim of Anxiety.
Why of course he looks confident when he is in his own skin working in variety shows but in reality all he wants is a hug and support.

It happened after on the  day when they return from work where they all sat in the living room tired but someone was missing.

"Has anyone seen Gunil-Hyung?"  JunHan asks
-
"No, probably in his room" Gaon replies without looking up from his phone
-
"Why'd you ask?" O.de simply asks
-
"He didn't seem very...how do I say. Normal? Like after he makes a tiny mistake he doesn't seem to be Gunil-Hyung?" JunHan replies
-

Everyone looked up at him but No one said anything just sat in complete silence.

until 

"Wanna go check up on him if thats bothering you?" JungSu Asks. 

"Yes please." JunHan replies

Meanwhile. 

There he was. The missing member of his group sitting on the floor in his room gripping onto his hair as soft tears slide down his precious face. 

"Why am i like this?" He asks himself. 

"Why was i born just to be crying on the floors?"

"Why can't i just ask for help?"

"why cant i be a good Leader?"

"why can't i just. disappear."

"Why can't i just-"

He asks and He asks until hyperventilation hits him.  Hiccuping into his own knees as violent thoughts cross his mind. 

What He didn't know that his Brothers where standing outside his door listening to his thoughts that they thought would never come out his mouth.

Jooyeon the youngest member suddenly turns to his Hyungs in shock of what to do. 

They all froze as shock hit each and none of them not knowing what to do until a dull sound and the spillage of small items? echoes to the walls of each and one of their ears. 

-

Throwback 5 seconds before the dull sound with Gunil

"Why can't i just-" 

He stopped thinking and straightened his back and thought of something Old but new to his mind.

He stares at the bottle of pills until he slowly reaches out for it his heart inside him hoping it was empty but his brain hoping it was full of new hope.

As his Brain won Gunil shakes the full bottle lightly before his hands start to tremble pouring half the Pills on his hands. 

Without thinking as tears fall down his cheeks he takes the pills dry at first it was hard to swallow but then it went down easier a sudden smile appearing onto his sad face.