Is Life A Lie?

Chapter 8 - Lying to Myself

Alex was hanging on to the arm of a pretty redhead. Out of the hundreds of students at uni, that was the first thing I noticed. If slapping myself in public would not result in me being sent to an asylum, I would have slapped myself right there. Determined to not give a single fuck, I walked purposefully up to our usual spot on the grass and plonked myself down next to Hazel. “Lovely day.” I cringed as soon as I heard myself.

“Where have you been all weekend Hayley? We’ve missed you. And you missed out on meeting Alex’s new girlfriend.”

“And last girlfriend” the redhead interjected. Oh god, I thought to myself. This is just what I needed. A hopeless romantic sinking her claws into Alex. Alex, who was undoubtedly going to drop this floozy any minute. Why was she even with her?

“Right. Very nice to meet you.” I didn’t care what her name was. I stood up, brushed the grass off my jeans and waved a hurried goodbye.

I almost slammed my fist into another wall, but the sight of my still very red right-hand knuckle stopped me just in time. I swear I never had violent tendencies. But Alex was driving me nuts. Hold the flip up though, I was not a lesbian. That was my first rule. I was an ambassador of football sent to America all the way from England. I was meant to promote the sport (not really, but I like to think of myself as the female David Beckham). And the last thing I needed was stamping the lesbian stereotype onto the sport. “NOT a lesbian” I said out loud, hoping that hearing the words would make me believe it. Yep. Sorted. Not a lesbian. Never will be. I got drunk, experimented, liked it, stuck with the experiment longer than necessary, but now I was done. Yep.

I rushed out of class. I’m not sure why. It’s not like I had anywhere particularly to be. I just happen to always rush to places. I felt my butt being groped and I spun around to meet the icy blue eyes of my beloved boyfriend. “Hey babe!” I flung myself into his arms.

“So, I decided to skip basketball to watch you play football today. I can’t help it. It’s the biggest turn on, seeing you run around kicking balls,” Eugene tugged me closer to him so we were walking with our arms around each other.

“Aw, you didn’t have to. I could have put on a private show for you later,” I gave him a cheeky grin. But I secretly didn’t mind that he was being boyfriend-y. Not that I would ever tell him that. God no. That’d make me seem like a proper girlfriend. I hated Alex’s “last girlfriend ever” kinda girlfriends. We were in university. Chances are, our relationships would not even see 2014. We needed-girls like that- needed to chill out.

I netted the ball with ease and grace and dutifully painted a picture of false modesty on my face as the girls gushed over my stellar performance on the football pitch. Turning to the bleachers, I saw Eugene make kissy faces and I giggled. I turned back and jogged towards the centre of the field so as to give the others  fair advantage to work on their shooting skills. Just then, the cheerleaders decided to show up. I waved at the few girls I knew and turned my attention back to the game.

“Hey Hayley!” I looked up, my brows creased as I stopped short. Hazel and Evil Redhead bounced onto the field.

“What in the devil.”

“What was that?” Hazel called. She ran right up to me, completely disregarding the coach’s death glares. “Guess what?”

“Um, you joined cheerleading. Good for you.”

“What do you have against cheerleading?”

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing. But is it really what you want to do? Or did Evil McTits over there put you up to this?” I glared in the direction of the first redhead in my field of vision. They all looked alike with their backs turned, how was I meant to know which one the bitch was. And anyway, didn’t they say all gingers were soulless?

“Wow Hayley, Why are you being so horrible? Are those your bitch-boots you’re wearing?”

“You called them boots!” I beamed. I’d spent a long time teaching these Americans terms like ‘football’ and ‘football boots’ and ‘pitch.’ “I’m so proud of you!”

Hazel hugged me and did a little cheer before she remembered that she was mad at me. “So, her name is Clara and she is not a bitch. Alex really likes her. What’s the deal with you two anyway? You never hang out with us anymore. Did yall have a fight? Clara’s nice. You should give her a chance.” Hazel’s big brown eyes were pleading with me.

I sighed. It was pointless trying to concentrate on shooting goals anymore. I jogged off the pitch and told the coach I’d make up for it in my own time. She let me, because she knew I was the talent of this team.

Sitting on a bench, I yanked on my discarded sweater, buying time while I organised the thoughts in my head. No one aside from Alex knew about my stint as a lesbian. And as I had worked out in my head today that I wasn’t one, there would be no harm in telling Hazel about what happened. I mean, I’m sure everyone experiments at least once. “You’re going to be late for cheerleading.”

Hazel rolled her eyes. So I took it upon myself to continue. “So um remember that night we stopped in Jersey? And we all had a little too much to drink?”

“Holy BALLS YOU AND ALEX DID WHAT? I KNEW YOU WERE A LESBIAN. YOU PLAY FOOTBALL!” Hazel was loud enough for the entire country to know that football was a lesbian sport now. “You’re one of those lipstick lesbians! They’re so cool.”

“Whoa, shut the flip up and no I am not a lesbian Hazel, I said I had had too much to drink and that’s all yeah?” Yeah I got cold feet in telling her the whole story. “Right after yall fuck, she goes and gets a new girlfriend. Is that why you don’t like Clara so much?”

“I don’t like Clara because she’s the type of girl that believes in forever. There is no forever at our age—we’re in uni, we’re meant to be enjoying life. That’s what Alex is doing. This girl is just cramping her style.” I took a breath. “Also, Alex is always getting into relationships. Why are you reading so much into it?”

“I’m not, I was just testing you.” Hazel grinned. Damn her and damn her Psychology lecturers. They were good. “If you say it was just a fling, why are you so worked up about it? All Alex’s girlfriends have been bimboes. That’s why she gets with them. Nah, something is definitely up here,” Hazel shook her index finger at me. I could almost see her gleefully rubbing her hands together and treating me and Alex like a science experiment.

“Hazel listen here. If I was a lesbian, would I still be fucking Eugene?”

“Ugh, ewwww.” Hazel put her hands over her ears and made gagging noises as I grinned. Case closed. For now. But my friends were getting suspicious, and I realised I had to put in more effort into hanging out with Alex and making ‘just friends’ work. I had almost forgotten Eugene was around until I felt his arms wrap me from behind.