The Fate of Fractured Lives

28 Third Death

I fought my growing despair, trying to think of anything to say. I had nothing. It showed on my face and in my eyes. I was at the razor's edge of giving up but something in me kept holding on. If Donna could find ways to fight against her own internal captivity then I could hold on long enough to find even just the smallest crack in the veil of the dark. I also needed to redeem Leah. I had to. I needed to know you could come back from becoming a monster.

"This is wrong. Just let me help you," I pleaded, desperately.

She smiled.

"And just how will you help me? Lizzie tossed me away and tried to erase me. Charlene stole me away from you. They cut open my head. What did you do to stop any of that?" she said.

Her tone started light, but it began to change. More sadness and anger came out with every sentence.

"I begged God to help me every day. I begged him to spare me from all the horrors and pain I know now. I'm also a computer now, Sarah. I can't unsee anything. I can't forget anything."

Leah's voice began to tremble. She crossed her arms like she was trying to hold herself together.

"Do you know how many prayers I've said throughout my life? Do you know how many I can recite at the speed of my thoughts now? Don't you think I've still tried? Do you know if any of them were answered?" Leah said.

Her voice pitched up. Frustration was there with the anger.

"I came back for you. Isn't that an answer?" I asked.

I desperately hoped it was an answer.

"And what kind of answer is that?" she asked.

"You are not alone. You are not abandoned. I'm the reminder that you still have a choice. You don't have to be what other people want you to be," I said.

She uncrossed her arms and her skin started to darken. It turned to a shiny black with fine flecks of silver shimmering with energy. It was almost like she became a window to deep space.

"I don't have to be what others want? We worshiped the same God, remember? There is a plan. We have to live it. We are sentenced at birth to joy or pain. You know as well as I that we either choose to embrace the plan and endure or rebel against it and burn. We're born for chains or damnation," said Leah.

I didn't know where this conversation was going. I wanted to help her see hope but every layer of hurt I found just pushed me back further.

"Our reward is not in this life. We struggle here, but we get paradise in return for our faith and fidelity," I replied.

"So my father would say as he beat me and my brothers and used us like slaves. Is the price of admission to this paradise the torture I endured at home and within these walls? Was it being cast out and abandoned because Lizzie didn't want to be a part of me? Is this the will of a loving god!?" shouted Leah.

The anger in her kept building. I could see tears in her eyes. I was beginning to have tears in mine.

"We must have faith and choose to be better," I pleaded.

It's what I wanted to believe. I wasn't sure of it at that point but I didn't know what else to say. I was beginning to wonder if God had abandoned us. If God had abandoned me. Did God even care? But I had to believe. Was all of this be for nothing? There had to be hope. There had to be light. I was trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince Leah. I was throwing it against the wall, hoping it would stick. All I was doing was talking at her, trying to make myself fell like I was doing something. And all I did was make things worse.