Galpacho The Wizard and the Mystery of the Disappearing Credit Score

Danny studied the wizard at the end of the table and wondered if he was really making the right decision. Of all the images he formed in his mind, he hadn't imagined a sorcerer wearing sandals and khaki shorts. 

His eyes darted across the maroon walls that lined the magic man's home, when stepping into his domain Danny felt as if he stumbled into the den of some enigmatic dollar store cryptid. It was timeless and horrifying. Like a psychiatrist's office filled with wolves. Memorabilia from across the ages, yet all of it was tacky and cheap.

"I am Galpacho!" The wizard exclaimed with a grin, "What can I do for you?" His small brown eyes poked out of the top of his sunglasses. 

"I...well..." Danny became flushed and embarrassed, "I'm trying to get a 30-year mortgage to buy a new house for my wife and kids."

Galpacho nodded politely, "Keep going."

"I was wondering if you could help me get a higher credit score."

Galpacho thought this over, " Have you tried paying bills with a credit card and immediately paying them off?"

"Yep."

Galpacho frowned, "Hmmm... Danny boy, I don't want to freak you out but I think I have a reasonable explanation."

Danny nearly jumped from his seat., "What is it?"

"Elves," the wizard said with a scowl. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Let me explain," Galpacho stood up and straightened out his Hawaiian shirt. "Elves are malicious little creatures. Their entire existence is one of fraud and trickery, and they will steal whatever they can get their greedy paws on."

"And you think they're stealing my credit score?"

"I don't just think," Galpacho exclaimed, "I know!"

"Look," Danny said as he excused himself from the table. "I think I'm looking in the wrong place here. I mean I just figured you'd get rid of some student debt."

Galpacho leaped over the table and grabbed hold of Danny's shirt. "This is no student debt. This is something far bigger, and you're the center of it!"

Galpacho rushed away and sank further into his apartment. Thinking this was the perfect time for an escape, Danny ran to the door. He grabbed the doorknob but to no avail. It was as if it had been glued shut. 

Galpacho returned with a black fanny pack and a large white rat crawling across his shirt. "By the time we get those elves, you're gonna have the best damn credit score around."

"We?" Danny echoed in a worried voice.