ᴅᴇꜱᴛɪɴy - ꜱᴇᴏɴɢᴊᴏᴏɴɢ ᴊᴜɴᴍɪɴᴊᴀᴇ

chapter 17

Warning: panic attattack,attemt of suicide.

prepare the tissue Because you will need it.

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Minjae is working on some tracks When someone knock on his door."come in "Minjae said still looking at his computer. "Minjae-ah why are you still working? it is past midnight "someone said looking at him with worriedness.Minjae turn his head towards the voice. Well he is not in mood to saw seonghwa so he ignore his request and went to his work. Seonghwa just look at him. It been two weeks and Minjae is still ignore him. It hurt him he Can't take This. he want to know the reason of his behavior.If he hurt him then he want to know exactly what he did so he can fix thing between them. "Minjae-ah stop ignoring me" Seonghwa said in loud voice because minjae is wearing headphones." Just go ...I'm not in mood to talk with You" Minjae said being annoyed. Well he Don't hate him. It is just he Can't accept Seonghwa. If he being honest then he Can't hate Seonghwa. It is thing he also don't understand. No matter how much he think that Seonghwa is taking away his appa from him. He Can't hate him.
Maybe because Seonghwa care about him. Maybe because every single time he got hurt Seonghwa is always there to take care of him like his appa.Maybe because his appa is happy with him. Maybe because he is attached to him.he Don't know how but he feel ease whenever Seonghwa is near him. He feel loved Whenever Seonghwa come to his room at night just to cress his hair or give him good night kiss. Every time when Seonghwa got worried over him Whenever he is not come home at his time. Every time when Seonghwa look at him with so much love and care like he meant so much for him. It is frustrating him Because He Don't Understand his own heart. One moment he hate Seonghwa and other moment he care about him. He thought maybe if he stay away from Seonghwa then he might Understand his heart. But he was wrong because he crave for Seonghwa love and soft touch Whenever he start having panic attack.he Don't know how but his touch calm him down. Well seonghwa never saw him having panic attack. But whenever he feel like he is having attack he quickly goes to seonghwa room just to saw him.seonghwa presence is enough to calm him down. Whenever he has nightmare and start having attack Seonghwa was always there holding his hand while resting his head on edge of his bed sleeping without realising how much it effect minjae. He is frustrated and tired of all of this. Tired of his own battles between his heart and mind." Minjae .... " Seonghwa called in soft voice." If I offend you or hurt you then I'm sorry just don't ignore me like this" Seonghwa said in verge of tear."then Stop doing this "minjae said standing infront of him. He can see the tear but he choose to ignore it. "Stop what ?"Seonghwa ask in confusion. "Stop taking care of me ......Stop coming to my room at night.....stop behavior like you are my eomma Because you are Not "he yelled in anger. He want to stop all of this. He Just take out all of those emotions on seonghwa. Emotions that he was feeling from past 2 weeks. Seonghwa just stood there in complete shock. He never saw minjae being angry. Did he hurt him that much? Does his care is not enough to tell him how much he love him? Did minjae never like him? Does this means he is nothing to minjae." Minjae ..."he called in shaky voice. He don't want to believe any of these words." Stay away from me." he yelled again but this time there is tear in his eyes too. He don't want to behave like this to seonghwa. But his anger get out the worst out him. Tear rolled down from his eyes to his cheeks. He Don't want to hurt himself or Seonghwa more." Minjae-ah...he called holding his wrist...... Please don't do This to me " he said with tear in his eyes.he didn't realise when he start crying. Minjae didn't do anything he just sobbed at Their situation. He want to hold this hand. He want to hug Seonghwa and want to cry in his arm until their is no tear left in his eyes. But a part of him don't want this. "Leave me alone "he said Snatching his hand from his grip and left the room. Seonghwa just stood there crying. Everything was fine between them then When did all these gone wrong. Why Minjae hate him so much? Does he ever going Understand his heart?he Can't live without Minjae on his side. just though of not being around him broke him. He drop himself on floor and start crying harder.why ...Why.... Why.... you hate me so much?... What did I do Minjae ..... just tell me..... just tell me ......so I can fix it "he murmured between sobs. He know Minjae Can't hear him but he want let out his thoughts that hurting him so deeply. "Please .....don't leave me like this ......Please........ he take Minjae jacket from his bed and hug his jacket. He felt like Minjae abundant him. He Can't have Minjae again by his side. A hand wrap around his shoulder and hug him from behind." Shh ....it's okay Seonghwa .....everything will be fine" Hoongjoong whisper in soft voice.he hear their entire fight. He Can Understand minjae behavior toward Seonghwa. Minjae is scared to loose him. He is scared to accept Seonghwa Because he remind him of his mom He just can't understand his own insecure amd fear full heart. He also know how much Seonghwa love him. He should have told Minjae about who is Seonghwa. He should have solve this When it start to happening. He Can't help but blame himself for not knowing the truth earlier.he blame himself for not talking to Minjae When he can. "Hoongjoong why ....why .....he Don't love me?" Seonghwa ask between sobs." hwa he love you ....he just didn't realise it yet" Hoongjoong said wiping the tear." I Can't .....hoong....joong. I..... Can't stay away from him......it hurt Hoongjoong ...... it hurt so bad "he said clenching his chest." Please do something .......Please .....I don't want to Leave him again "Seonghwa said hugging him tightly. "Shh ......Everything will be fine I will make him stay .....he will not gonna leave you .I will do anything to keep us together" he said caressing his hair to calm him down." I promise Seonghwa ....I promise "he said kissing his forehead. After Seonghwa calm down he didn't leave Minjae room. He is waiting for him but Minjae didn't came. Hoongjoong try to take him to his room. Seonghwa refuse and lay down on Minjae bed. "Seonghwa Please ..."Hoongjoong said caressing his hair. "No hoongjoong ....I want to stay a little longer "Seonghwa said sniffing Minjae jacket. It has Minjae smell. It make him feel like minjae is still here with him." Okay " Hoongjoong said kissing his head and hug him from behind.they didn't realise they end up sleeping in each other arm while Seonghwa was still holding Minjae jacket.