stupid wife | winrina

Chapter 5: Journals

Yu Karina's POV

The sky is completely covered with dark clouds this morning. But the fact that it is cold and cloudy outside just seems like a reflection of what's going on inside this house. It's been exactly three days since Minjeong and I exchanged more than just a few words. She's ignoring me; I think that's pretty clear. I just don't understand why exactly, everyone's suffering, it's not just her. I know it must be hard, but there's no use in ignoring me.

After all, how can I remember things if we don't talk?

I'd like it a lot if everyone around me tried to at least understand my present situation. No one seems to be aware of how hard this is for me. One day I simply woke up and found out that I was married to a person I loathed and that we had a son. And as if that wasn't horrible enough, everyone keeps saying I loved her a lot.

How to deal with all this? It's impossible.

Doesn't anyone realize that I'm scared? I feel as if I'm an outside observer of my own life. It's stifling, actually. It feels like I'm drowning in myself and no one can save me from this endless abyss.

My mom called earlier today, we talked for almost two hours. I had to endure her talking about Minjeong. Yes, she talked about that stupid human being the whole time. Tiffany Yu really seems to be that woman's number one fan. I feel like I've lost my mother, at least a little. And Shotaro and Minjeong went out, I remember hearing them comment something about a basketball game with Heeseung and Toni. At least the two of them get along well.

In the last few days, ever since the fateful day I woke up with no memory, my only joy has been to be surrounded by my son. Referring to him like this has become something so natural and not scary at all. I think I got used to that term and its meaning pretty quickly. A son. Handsome, intelligent, obedient and very funny. It's not possible to live with that little one and not fall in love with him. He's captivating.

I owe my sanity to this kid. If I haven't gone mad yet, it's thanks to him.

Minjeong doesn't interact with us, but I feel her gaze on me the whole time I'm with him. Those are the only times I've seen her smile in a genuine way. She seems to appreciate the attention I give Shotaro. It's no sacrifice, to be honest, being his mother is the easiest thing in the world. I confess that it is a bit weird when he refers to me that way, but it's only because my mind is stuck in adolescence. My love for this child is immense.

Once again I'm looking at the huge mural that's hung on one of the upstairs corridor walls. I have done this same ritual every day since my tragic amnesia; I always come here after I wake up and just look at the photos. An involuntary smile is on my face, it's impossible to control, they are really good photos of memorable moments. Well, only for those who remember these memories, because for me they are just photos that seem like a lie. There are many photos of Shotaro, an infinite amount that it looks more like a time capsule. One in particular has become my favorite, one where a very small Shotaro is sitting on the back of a huge dog. There are two others that are super adorable too.

Sixteen years really give rise to significant changes, huh?

[...]

Today was a good day; I'd say it was the most pleasant since I lost my memory. Minjeong has changed a lot, this is clear and I can't be a hypocrite to the point of saying I didn't notice it. However, there's something that hasn't changed, my dislike for her. You can't imagine what it was like to be tormented by this woman for years, and then one day, I wake up sixteen years later and find out that, during that time, I fell in love, got married and built a life beside the most detestable person in the world. And let's not forget the child we had together.