How I Met My Gazorp Boink

The Begin (and The End)

AN: Y/N is a buff, hairy, chunky, big fat GAY bear business man that's like 47 :3
———-
Y/N's typical day followed a regular, normal routine. Wake up, go to work, go home, game, sleep, repeat. Over and over again. There was no freedom from the monotonous cycle that made up the past 22 years of his life. Don't get it wrong, it's not like nothing ever happened. But even then it was only a small moment in the length of life.
Nothing really helped. Even bigger changes, like marrying his supposed love of his life, a twinky malewife named Jacque , eventually added to the mundane trap of being alive. I mean, at least having to fight your drunk malewife every night added a bit of arbitrary fun.
There were really only a few things that made life bearable, stopping Y/N from ending it all, the only possible form of autonomy he could wield. His son, for example, was possibly the biggest. François had a few abnormal interests that Y/N didn't understand, but supported. Like his sons feminine attire and love for 'cat boys' as he had once detailed. Gaming was another, for Y/N and François, Y/N enjoyed a wide variety of video games, but 'The Haunting of Corzac' was his favorite. In fact, he was currently driving to a local meet up for fellow fans.
—
Okay. So maybe an old laundromat on the outskirts of town was a pretty bizarre place to host a gaming event, but that's what you have to deal with when you're a gamer.
The gravel crunched under the rubber tires of
Y/N's car and again when he stepped out. The place was pretty dingy. A gravel parking lot, dusty windows, and sun fading from where light had managed to sneak through the dense forestry nearby.
Y/N groaned as he stretched, pausing at a large cracking sound.
"What the.." Now a noisy back isn't unusual, but at that level..?.. "Fuck. Couldn't have been me."
Y/N felt his chin and peered into the trees. Noticing no abnormalities or movement, he moved to walk away until he heard a low humming.
"The fuck?"
Like the cocomelon lures kids, the faint tone was practically pulling Y/N towards it. It was calling out. To him.
He hesitated at the edge of the gravel lot, where rocks blended into roots, and finally stepped into the forest. The further he walked, the quicker the pace, gradually growing until Y/N was rushing towards the noise. He could feel it. The noise was everywhere, but he couldn't find it.
Y/N cried out, "Where?!"
'Here.'
Instantly a bright light momentarily blinded him, along with a sudden void of all sound. He blinked and shielded his eyes, trying to regain his composure.
"W- OH MY GOD-"
In front of Y/N a.. a thing. made an appearance. Standing(?) next to some type of machine was a melange of outré anatomical parts. The coloration akin to the sludge in the bottom of a used sink. It reached out a tentacle arm thing? and prevented Y/N from screaming. The rest of its weird elephant-trunk-limbs trailed over Y/N's body, and the alien??'s eye appeared excellently intrigued.
Internally, Y/N started to freak out.
Fuck. Whatthehellisthisthing?!? Am I hallucinating? Am I dying? AMIDEAD.?
Interestingly, the Thing peered at Y/N.
'Thing' is an obnoxiously rude name. But I'll forgive you for lack of better term.'
"Mmphf??!"
Y/N flinched, could the Th- the .. could it hear his thoughts? He took in a deep breath.
Can..can you hear what I'm thinking?
It (Or they, or maybe she) drew back all of its arms (legs?) and let out a muffled trill from somewhere inside its body.
'Hearing is not the best way to describe it. But possibly the only one that would make sense...so yes.'
Y/N nodded and stared into Its eyes, "So. Do you have a name?"
—-
"Why the fuck are you home late. I thought you said you were going to be back by 7."
Shit.
Y/N turned towards Jacque and shrugged, "Bit of traffic."
"Liarrr. You, uh, were cheating wwweren't ya'?. Fuckin' rat." He slurred
Oh. He was drunk. And angry.
"Come on, Jacque. You know I wouldn't do that!"
Y/N pulled at his tie and moved to walk away when..
SLAP!
"Fuck off, Jacque!"
"I KNEW ya' were a cheating lil' fuck!"
He lunged again, but Y/N easily deflected it. He grabbed Jacque and pulled him to their bedroom, throwing him inside and slamming the door.
"I'm tired of this! Come out when you're done being a drunk."
Y/N rubbed his temples and sat on the couch, pondering earlier. Norp Norp (The Third), as the thing had been named, had agreed to let Y/N go. Apparently he had been one of the most interesting humans Norp had met, and it would've been a shame to kill him.
It shared how it messed up the math for a landing area, crashing into a spruce tree instead of grassy plains a few hundred miles west. While it was an easy fix, it would still take a couple days.
—-
He really shouldn't've, but it would be cruel to just leave Norp Norp to work all alone, so he paid it a visit.
The area where it landed was empty when Y/N arrived.
"Uh," He glanced around, "Hell-OH!"
Again, his vision was obstructed by a sharp flash and a disappearance of sound for a second. When he opened his eyes, Norp Norp was staring at him from a foot away.
'You again? Why are you here?'
He laughed deeply, "I can't just leave you, pal. Plus when's the next time I'll get to meet an alien?"
Norp Norp flicked a tentacle and turned away.
'Okay. But you must not disturb me.'
Y/N nodded and glanced around. The spaceship? wasn't entire unlike those in Sci-fi shows. It had a hefty amount of controls but lacked the retro aesthetic.
"So uh, bit of the loner type?"
'I told you not to distract me.'
Y/N shook his head, "My fault."
'But no. I do seek companionship, I was just separated from my population. What about you?'
"Well, I'm married," He sighed, "Unfortunately,"
Norp Norp turned, giving Y/N a questioning stare.
'I thought human marriage was for pleasure?'
"It's...er."
They sat in silence.
"I have to go, I might be back tomorrow.."
—-
Coming home late twice was already pushing Jacque to the edge. So Y/N knew it was wise to skip on Norping today.