I never wanted to be anything like I am now when I was young. I always wanted to have tons of friends and be super happy. But now I'm High School , I'm nothing like that.
It all started in seventh grade I found a group of friends who loved me, and I loved them. Over the course of that year, one after another of my friends changed for the bad changed, I left that group. More like my best friend, Rusle did. I being the follower that I am, followed his path because I had to make a decision, my best friend or my friend group that's falling apart. I obviously chose my best friend. Rusle is very extroverted and friends with everyone, like literally everyone. When we left that group in seventh grade he had another friend group to go and hang out with. I didn't, because I'm quiet and much more reserved than he is. A fact about me is that I hate being alone, despite being an "introvert" according to Rusle I always want to hang out with people. I love laughing and goofing off with my friends. Who at the beginning of my eighth grade year was non existent. Rusle however had hung out with his other friends all summer. I, admittedly, felt so jealous and for some reason left out. I think it's because I've known some of the people in his friend group for years and still will talk to them a little.
I finally decided I wanted to try opening up and joining Rusel's group of friends.
Part 2
I joined the cross country team at the beginning of eighth grade. Some of Rusel's friends were in cross country with me. This was my chance to get closer to some of them.
I would always try to catch up to his friends and run with them. Occasionally making small talk. The weird thing is, is that I would feel like there was a ball or something in the back of my throat. It was so hard to talk to his friends for no reason at all. They all new Rusle and I were best friends and stuff, but I still felt like I was talking to complete strangers.
Over time it became easier to talk to some of Rusel's friends. I started even texting some of them. I was over flowing with excitement.
It turned out that Rusel's friends had a group chat. I asked him about it, with the intention of trying to join it, he said that I couldn't be added because I didn't have Umessage. I had an android phone and apparently android phones can't be added to Umessage chats.
I was devastated by this. Once I got home I started crying it was already November and I hadn't even made a close friend yet. I felt so lonely seeing everyone so happy at their lunch tables full of friends talking about there latest outing or whatever was texted in whatever group chat they had.
I used to sit with just Rusle at lunch, but his other friends, still not my friends would ask just him if he could sit with them. He would accept and say sorry to me as he leaves with his lunch.
There I was sitting alone at a lunch table, on the verge of tears. Glancing over at Rusle crying of laughter with his friends at the other table.
Part 3
Christmas came I started begging my mom for a phone with Umessage on it. Obviously so I could at least have a chance of maybe joining there groupchat. Christmas came and I received a phone with Umessage. I was so happy the phone overall sucked, but I had Umessage and that was all I cared about.
The first thing I did was text Rusle and tell him I have Umessage. I didn't want to ask him if I could just join the group chat because I started questioning if any of the friends I had were actually friends. I thought they all hated me.
Part 4
Rusle started realizing his mistakes and started including me more. I went ice skating with him and his friends. I smiled the whole time. Evens when I fell and almost broke my ankle I was still smiling.
After that I started speaking my mind a bit more to him and how I had felt really left out and lonely. I was invited to more and more hangouts.
And one the last day of school Rusle asked his friends if I could join there group chat. They all said yes with a smile on there face.
Part 5 Final
Over the summer I didn't do anything I was to scared to head time or text anything in the group chat. I joined marching band and was now in 9th grade.
All of Rusle's friends were in band so I obviously hung out with them. One day we were all talking about plans in a circle and they all take out there phones and start texting in a group chat with just them. I'm not in that group chat and I don't know what to do anymore...
