attention | gyuricky

twenty-eight.

They head back that night past eleven. They didn't drink, but they're drunk regardless; drunk on happiness, on company, on the way they feel around each other, the way they talk with so much ease one might wonder if they'd been the best of friends all their lives.

"I still can't believe you did that," Ricky laughs, almost falling over the little step at the entryway they've both mostly gotten used to by now. "Don't you have any dignity?"

"I'm a man of my word!" Gyuvin protests, shutting the door behind them. They're talking about the time in freshman year Gyuvin bet on a basketball match against his friend and lost, and promptly subjected himself to the agreed forfeit of walking around with no hair for weeks or months or however long it took for his hair to grow back. "I made a promise, I'm not a pussy-"

"If you were a pussy, you'd be a sphynx cat," Ricky throws back. "You know, those ridiculous hairless ones?"

Gyuvin shudders at the thought. "I heard those hairless cats need to be oiled like weekly. That just creeps me out. Imagine trying to pet a cat and it just feels like skin."

Ricky reaches down to grab a cushion from the couch to throw at him. "Enough! You're making me envision it really vividly and I do not want to fall asleep with that thought in my head."

They collapse on the bed, on top of the covers so they don't dirty the sheets, and they lie there in silence for a while, just watching the ceiling fan spin, watching the dust motes circle through the air. Gyuvin rolls over onto his side at some point, and the bed dips for a second as Ricky follows suit, and they just watch each other; Gyuvin's eyes trace the sharp lines of Ricky's eyes, the softness of his cheeks, the way his hair falls across his forehead so perfectly, so effortlessly.

Ricky breaks the silence, and in that moment something shifts. It's cosmic, and they'll never return from it.

"I really want to kiss you right now."

"Wouldn't be the first time." Gyuvin smiles, in the all-encompassing way he always does, as if his heart isn't beating so fast he can feel it steadily in his ears.

Ricky shakes his head, smiling softly. "Doesn't count if you were dying."

"Am I on the brink of death again? Is that why you-"

Gyuvin knows only that there are two hands on his shoulders, holding him steady against the headboard; before the next words can come out of his mouth they're kissing, and he feels like he can't breathe again, but this time he's not dying.

He's living, in a way he's never lived before, warmth tumbling through his veins as he pulls Ricky closer, and it's everything. It's the beginning, it's the end, and it's life and death and incandescence, and Gyuvin wonders if he'll ever be able to stop wanting this feeling now that he's felt it once.

They pull away, out of necessity, to catch their breath, and as their eyes meet, Ricky's platinum hair messy from where Gyuvin's fingers were, gaze soft, chest rising and falling shallowly as he regains his breath, Gyuvin thinks he's never seen anything more beautiful.

"I think I'm in love with you."

It's just a whisper, but they're so close he doesn't have to speak any louder.

Ricky smiles, and Gyuvin swears his eyes twinkle. "What are you going to do about it, then?"

Gyuvin pulls him close by the collar of his shirt and they're kissing again, and Ricky has his answer.

They bear to separate from each other long enough to shower, at some point. By the time they've both washed up and settled into bed, Ricky's bed as usual, it's past one in the morning, but neither of them really care. There are more important things in the world than waking up at seven for a morning lecture. Things like falling asleep next to the person you love, for instance, and not worrying about anything that comes after because you know that nothing that happens next could ever take this happiness away. It's new, but it's familiar at the same time, like looking back at something you always had and seeing it in a different light.

"What happens now?" The room is dark and the open windows let in just enough light for Gyuvin to see Ricky's silhouette in front of him, but not much else.

"We'll figure it out as we go, won't we?" Gyuvin answers softly. "We've been through so much to get here. I think that must count for something."

He can't see Ricky's face, but he imagines a smile.

"Then, in the meantime, while we're figuring it out," Ricky says softly. "I think I'm in love with you too."