The White Room Dropout - A CotE Fanfic

Part 41: Turning the Page

December 24th...

I lay in my room, the soft glow of lights outside casting a gentle illumination. Despite the lively atmosphere in the neighborhood, a deep sense of emptiness weighed on me, like a heavy shroud on a joyous occasion.

"What am I even doing?" I muttered to myself, the words escaping my lips almost inaudibly.

I gazed at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts, as I contemplated the contrast between the festive world outside and my own melancholic mood. Christmas should have been a time of joy and celebration, but all I felt was a profound sense of apathy. It was as if a dense fog had settled over my heart, obscuring any hint of cheerfulness.

As I continued to lie there, the weight of our recent breakup pressed upon me like a leaden blanket. My thoughts swirled, unwilling to let me forget how easily he had cast away our relationship. The heartbreak was still fresh, a wound that refused to heal.

I couldn't help but drift into memories of sweeter times, moments that had once held so much promise. The day we shared our first kiss by the beach, the late-night calls filled with laughter and secrets - all of it seemed like a distant dream.

Reality had delivered its harsh verdict, and I knew he wouldn't be coming back to me. The date we had planned for this evening was now a cruel reminder of what was lost.

I chastised myself for still dwelling on him, feeling foolish for clinging to these memories like a lifeline. Yet, despite my best efforts, I couldn't deny the lingering ache in my heart.

My melancholic reverie was interrupted by the soft creak of my bedroom door. Turning my head, I saw my mother entering, a look of concern in her eyes. She was perceptive, too perceptive for my liking.

"Kei," she began gently, her voice laden with maternal worry, "is something bothering you, dear?"

I forced a weak smile, attempting to shield her from my turbulent emotions. "It's nothing, Mom. Just feeling a bit tired today, that's all."

Her expression remained doubtful, but the responsibilities of work tugged at her. "Alright, if you say so, sweetheart. I'll be heading to work now. If you need anything, just call me, okay?"

I nodded, trying to infuse my voice with as much reassurance as I could muster. "Don't worry, Mom. I'll be fine."

The room fell into silence as my mother's footsteps faded away. Once again, I was left to grapple with my own thoughts, my heartache pressing down like an invisible weight.

But I had to take some steps forward, no matter how heavy the weight of my heartbreak felt. Gathering what little strength remained, I reached for my phone. My thoughts drifted back to a conversation I had overheard at school - Matsushima had mentioned going to a mixer. It wasn't exactly what I felt like doing, but maybe it was a chance to distract myself.

With a few taps on my phone, I sent Matsushima a message. 

"Hey, I heard about you and some people going to the mixer today. Mind if I join?" 

Matsushima's reply was almost immediate, and her message conveyed a mix of confusion and curiosity. 

"Hey there! Sure, you can join. But what happened with Ayanokouji-kun? Weren't you two going together?"

I hesitated for a moment, my fingers hovering over the virtual keyboard. How could I explain the mess that had become of my plans with him? Finally, I typed, 

"It's a bit complicated. I'll fill you in later."

Matsushima seemed to accept my vague response, and she swiftly moved on to the practical details.