Mistakes of a Perfectionist

Mistake Eight - Having Someone Over

Cameron was sure he was dying. 

He was curled tightly into a ball under a bundle of blankets, eyes squeezed shut, trying to erase the waves of anxiety now washing over him. So severe it hurt, aching, rattling his insides, consuming him. His organs were twisted and punctured by every thought in his mind, he was bleeding from the inside. Leja had gone home to pick up more clothes, and now he was alone. 

Yes, he was certainly dying. He was going to die in this twin-sized bed in a suffocatingly quiet house. 

A soft buzz interrupted the music playing in the earbuds he had hastily shoved into his ears, attempting to drown his thoughts. He knew who it was, and his body shook in regret. Still, he flipped his phone over and read the text. 

🟡⚪ Luz!! 🟣⚫: yo! im abt to leave, we still good for today?

His arm right hand tingled as he pulled it from where it cradled his ribs, and he typed back a reply.

Cameron: Yup! See you soon! 😊

🟡⚪ Luz!! 🟣⚫: :D 

He slowly pushed the covers away from him, lethargy washing over his body and begging him to crawl back into bed. How easy. How much better it would be. For every-

His feet hit the cold wooden floor of his bedroom, and he stumbled over to the full-length mirror. It was 2:03 in the afternoon, and he was still in his pajamas. His eyes were red from lack of sleep, and his hair was a mess. His skin was a mess. His teeth were slimy and unbrushed. He was a mess. 

Attempting to fix what he could, he threw on a T-shirt a pair of tight jeans, and some socks. He quickly brushed his teeth and rinsed off his face, at least the best he could; the water from the sink was too loud and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. He didn't look good, not even okay, but it was enough.

Next was his room, he tried to shove all his papers lining his desk and parts of his dresser into folders or into hastily organized piles; and he shut his computer, which was idling on tabs which he would get to. Eventually.

Finally, he went to the bathroom and choked down some ibuprofen for the throbbing in his head. Why was his head always throbbing?

His phone buzzed. Showtime. 

🟡⚪ Luz!! 🟣⚫: here

His front door was loud, creaking as he opened and peered outside. Luz was just walking through the front gate, waving back at a car that was now pulling away. They turned and looked at him, and their face broke out into a smile. 

"So, this is where you grew up." They glanced around as Cameron opened the door and let them in.

"Not exactly," His voice felt weak. Then, seeing Luz's brow furrow, he added: "I just mean we've moved, that's all." 

"Ah," They leaned in and peered at a family portrait. "Are these your parents?"

"Yeah, my mom's out right now, but my dad in his office down the hall. He won't bother us though."

"Probably for the best, we'll be having athletic sex." 

A snicker fought up Cameron's throat, and he felt his shakiness soothe slightly. "True, just...boning it out."

"Okay, don't ever say that again." They smiled, but an awkward silence fell.

"So...my room?"

"I was joking."

"To hang out, Luz."

"Oh, of course."

He led them back to his bedroom, flicking the light on to reveal his partially cleaned depression hole. Luz walked around a bit, before sitting down tentatively on his bed. "It's nice," they said, without a hint of humor. "Cozy."

"Thanks, I try," Cameron responded, sitting down next to them.

Cameron had had plenty of friends over in his life, mostly when his parents were gone, and when he was younger. Of course, Leja had been staying lately and would be back tonight, but it was different. Different with Luz, as most things were.

The bedroom acted almost like the classroom they saw each other most in, they joked, bickering back and forth. Eventually, Luz insisted that they watch a movie if possible, and when Cameron admitted that he in fact had never seen any Star Wars movies, Luz forced him to watch the first two on his laptop. The painful anxiety from that morning calmed but didn't fade completely throughout the time Luz stayed. But it was better, and by the time it was time for them to leave, he was better. 

"Drive safe," Cameron said as Luz walked out the front door. 

"I don't drive."

"Then tell whoever is driving you back to drive safe."

"Do you care about me or something?"

Cameron leaned into their face. "No, I just want to kill you myself."

Grinning, Luz moved close enough that their noses were almost touching. Almost. "Promise?"

Cameron leaned back away from them. "That doesn't make any sense in this context."

"Yes, it does." A horn honked from the driveway, and Luz began backing towards the front gate. "Bye Cam Cam!"

Cameron just waved, closing the door again. His house was quiet again. Sliding down onto the floor in front of the door, he curled his legs up to his chest. The painful anxiety returned almost immediately. 

Fuck. He pressed his eyes into his knees, gritting his teeth. Fuck.

Just like always, Luz was only a distraction.