Bad Dreams

Complicated Damned-Self

I woke up at about three or four in the morning today, and I needed to use the restroom. As I was finishing up my dad got to do the same. Then this loud crash of thunder shocked us both, and we stared outside of our window in our living room. My dad says, "You need to get more sleep, you're going to be unpacking boxes." While staring ahead, I replied with 'mhm' tone. As my dad was going back to bed, the rain started dribbling on the hard concrete in the driveway just outside of my small home. I turn and head for the stairs that lead to my bedroom, which was in the basement. During my still-tired shuffle towards my room, I began listening to the rain just as she has done when she was upset. I get upset with myself and began listening deeper to the rain. I end up leaning against the wall with the thoughts of her and fall asleep for some amount of time I can't recall.

...

Later in the morning, my sister began to wake me up and she asked, "Was it her again?" I just nodded. She begins telling me that there is food upstairs if I'm hungry or I'd like to rest more. "Good, I'm feeling both hungry and tired." I said, getting up. I check the time on my phone, and it says to be 7:30 o' clock. I just nod to myself, and move up the stairs as I did the previous four hours. When I reach the top, I see food left on the stove made for me, and then tell everyone thanks for what they done for breakfast. While I eat breakfast I get on my phone, and get on Instagram, which is just an app that is used for photos and small videos. I see the usual posters; A girl I took to homecoming a couple months back, but she moved happily, then these generic advertisement posters that I follow. I look at my notifications and see that I have one. I look, and it's her. As much as she can't leave my mind, I accept the request and send my request back. When I'm just getting done, my dad walks out of his room and tells me to finish up eating. I comply, put down my plate, and go get ready for the long work day ahead of me. What I wear if you're interested are blue jeans, a belt, a t-shirt and my work shoes, which are non-slip. Speaking of work, after I'm done moving stuff to the new apartment, I close the store later.

...

Sweating and tiredness overcomes me and I begin putting the unpacked boxes back into the car. As I'm doing so, I check the time and it's nearly my time to go to work. I tell my dad, and he agrees. We stop by the house so I can just change into my work shirt. During this small amount of time, I check Instagram as quick as I can, and she accepted the request. For an odd reason, I check her profile to see what she has posted. I just see three videos, one in the dark, one I'm guessing outside and same with the last one. I watch the first one and it's her filming herself going through the tool drawer in her garage trying to find something, which only ends with 7 seconds. Confused, I move on to the next one. This video was darker than the last, but not with brightness, but with emotion. She begins talking and she says "I know you will be watching and I'm so very sorry for what happened and what I did to you." There's a slight pause, then she continues to say, "I'm not exactly loved or raised in it, and the only thing that did love me I pushed away." The video goes black and ends. I move to the final video expecting the unexpected. It begins with her saying "as you always said 'I'm bored with it all'.". It was my favorite quote in history with Winston Churchill being the owner of the phrase. He died with it. The next frame on the video was so shocking I began to scream. She killed herself with a nail gun, and I can't look away as I'm in terror. A few seconds later, her mom comes out, screams, and the video ends there. I just fall to the cold, cold concrete of the basement, crying. My dad checks on me and he asks what had happened. I showed him everything and I cringe when I hear the noise, and my dad just stammers for a little, and says "I think you need to head to work." I agree and shuffle up the stairs in pain.