"He was my first, did you know that? First kiss, first fuck. My one and only. That was one of the good things about him, loyalty. Made me feel like I was sitting on top of the goddamned world...And then it started to get old, and I was so young. I started to wonder: is he loyal because I'm special? Or because he has no one else?"
"My sisters would give me tips on how to keep him, saying my dissatisfaction was self-sabotage. In their eyes, he taught me how to be perfect. Taught me about luxury and salad forks and how to hold a wine glass delicately. No one talks about how difficult being perfect is, because as women, it's expected of us, to fly too close to god."
"Do you know how much I had to smile? At the dinners, at the movies, around all of his friends. My mouth started to hurt because I wanted to be okay so bad, I wanted to grin forreal so bad but I couldn't. Tried to smile it all away, little moments I had to steal for myself, I'd frown for a full five minutes, clench my teeth until my jaw was sore, then pick my cheeks back up for the rest of the day. My little secret."
"Sometimes I'd look down at my hands and touch them to make sure I hadn't disappeared. I'd sink down to my heart to make sure it was singing its pulpy percussion. I kept my hair straightened and long because he liked it that way. In this humidity. Wore makeup like a flapper. Was polite. I ran a well-oiled machine. Everyone admired me and I was starting to accept the actress i'd become until that one night."
"I will never forget how it rained, it was a hard fall from grace for me and it felt like the sky knew. I thought at any moment my bones would pop or morph and I'd start howling or foaming at the mouth and I swear to god I bought a machete and just hacked away at him, I didn't stop. I can't believe I had that much strength, I cut him up because he didn't fit the picture. He made me sad. And it's hard to be an actress whenever you're sad."
"Little old me packed him right into the biggest suitcase I could find and fed his fingers in bits to the gators by the bayou, it's amazing the strength you possess when you're out of your mind."
"Crazy that it was the closest I'd been to satisfaction in years. Forgive me, father, for I have sinned and sinned and sinned..."
YOU ARE READING
BAYOU
Romancethey claim it's hate at first sight. but what is hate, if not love in denial?? (where he can't believe there's somebody that can actually match his freak.)
