In love from the outside

September 2024 - Nights like this

September 2024
London

News: "Taylor Swift back with ex-lover Joe Alwyn. Couple spotted strolling in Hampstead Heath. Will we hear wedding bells this time?"

Taylor's POV

Joe and I got married in a very private ceremony. Yes, he came back to me and I have been grateful for his love and support everyday since.
He is my soldier, my rock, he doesn't care for fame or money. He cares for me. He grounds me, he encourages me to fight when the fight is necessary and to surrender when it is not.
I feel loved and seen. It is easy. There are no secrets.
I have learnt that when you are truly loved, there is no need to hide, the right person will be there, even in your darkest hours.

And I do have a lot of dark though, and I have been working on it. He is proud of me for it. I feel comfortable now letting go of grudges and unnecessary drama.

I have realised I do not need any of it to create anymore, or to define me.
I have much more to say. Yes, you could say he tamed me. And I don't mind, because that's my man.

I just wish I could give him peace. But there is still Harry, hunting me, in the middle of the night, on polaroid pictures, on unpublished songs, like an invisible string I cannot fully cut.

It has been raining for the past 3 days. We have been in London for the past 2 months, I had shows scheduled in the UK as part of my tour, and then we decided to stay and spend some time with his family after the wedding.

2am. I turn in bed to see Joe fast asleep next to me. I smile and place a kiss on his shoulder before sneaking silently out of bed.
I walk downstairs to the music room, the moon is so bright that I do not need to switch on any light to see where I am going.

The tall floor to ceiling windows of the room let the moonlight in. It is grey and quiet. I walk towards them and I stare out the window for a while. I see the wind playing with the tree branches, the raindrops on the leaves, no stars on sight, it is so quiet. So sad.

And He comes to mind, is he also staring out his window at this gloomy night? Or is he in LA enjoying the sunshine, getting invited to someone's thanksgivings party. Is he happy? "Please be happy". I whisper as I hug myself.

I don't hear Joe approach, but I feel his strong arms embracing me, and I sigh contented. He rests his chin on top of my head as I lay against him. "I love you always, you know?"

I nod slightly and hold his forearm with my hands. Its his way of telling me that I can tell him anything, and he will be there for me.

"am I a bad person?" I ask.

He releases me and turns me around to face him, his hands still on my shoulders.
He is staring at me, waiting for me to explain my outburst. He lifts my chin with a finger. So I look at him.

"Does it make me a bad person knowing that there is someone out there, that I selfishly hurt deeply, while I am this happy?"

He hugs me then. And I rest my head on his chest, and I feel safe. Like I can do no wrong. But I did, and I still care. I cannot not care. I forgot about all the other ones before Joe, why not him.

"Meant to be, but not meant to last" he says as he sways me in his arms.

And I know he knows. And I love him more so. "Take me to bed" I mumble against his t-shirt. And I feel him shaking with contained laughter. Then he lifts me in his arms and for a moment I forget about the sad boy.