pitfalls of life

from birth to the middle of first grade

I have been very persistent since birth. I wanted attention. But I didn't get much of it. I know very well that parents have not been given a manual on how to be a good mother and father. However, the computer and games should definitely not be the priority. There are many things that stuck in my memory from a very young age. It is true that these are only fragments, but there is something there. I remember it. As I lay in the crib and cried. I don't even know why, but no one was coming. Dad was probably at work, but mom was on maternity leave. I cried for a long time. But no one anywhere. I believe I must have felt miserable at that moment. The mother became pregnant in Ireland, where she met the father. She flew to the Czech Republic in order for me to have Czech citizenship. As a child, I was never like my parents. I was all grandma. Who has always surrounded me with love. There are moments that were not entirely positive, but they are minimal and I don't remember much about them anymore.I almost didn't have a childhood. I remember a few sections from kindergarten. there is not much. the first year I was in the place of my birth. then I moved with my father to his mother. therefore to my grandmother and started attending kindergarten there. I had a lot of perfect friends there with whom I got along. to tell the truth, it's one of the nicest periods I've experienced. the teachers were kind to me and I was more than satisfied. I was a healthy and happy little girl. then my parents probably got back together. I was hoping for the whole family. but that didn't work. I was in first grade and it was Christmas. I was supposed to learn the alphabet, but I wanted to play. my mother was standing overhead shouting at me. I had my panic attack. yes, at six years old. my grandmother was on vacation at the time and I, my mother, that is, my cousin, was there. when my aunt heard how my mother screamed, she ran to me and they started arguing and fighting. my mother wanted to take me to her mother and to the place where I was born. my aunt grabbed me and wouldn't let go. she had so much adrenaline in her that she had no idea how tight she was holding me. I started suffocating. my cousin came running and put me on the ground to wake me up. author's note: it must have killed a few of my brain cells. because that would explain why I am the way I am.to get back to the story. everything was in order and mother packed her things and mine. we went to my father's apartment. finally my mother let me go at least for christmas day and then we went to her mother's. I finally went back to my father. but my mother did not give up and sometime in the spring she came to visit me at school. that would be fine in the only case. if it remained only with the visit and if it was not a kidnapping. yes, my own mother kidnapped me. and I didn't want to at first. it only took 15 minutes for her to manipulate me and force me to say that I want to leave with her. I described everything below. of course, as mother wanted. not what i wanted to say. they let me go anyway, it was all in court a long time ago and it was resolved. I now lived with my mother, who has problems controlling her emotions. so at a time when a child is developing a personality, I lived with a mentally unstable person. then so was i. I was bullied at school and I couldn't handle it. I started harming myself. I was banging my fists on the wall. I didn't know it was bad. nobody paid attention to it.