~16/09/2023~
"talk to myself" by Nessa Barrett is so relatable right now.
Today was better than yesterday, mainly because I didn't have school, but my aunt and uncle came over and gave me cake for my birthday!
Around half an hour ago I was sitting at the dining table with my brother, my dad, my mum, my aunt and my uncle and we were eating the cake.
For some reason I suddenly said "This cake is nice, also I'm gay."
Basically I came out to them. My dad and aunt were supportive, my uncle and brother didn't really say anything, and my mum just looked disappointed. She was on her phone texting someone.
Then she asked if I really was attracted to girls and I said yes, and she didn't say anything else.
Later she got up and we heard the door slam. After that she came back and I was playing on the Nintendo Switch with my brother. She called us over and said "since we're expressing ourselves today, your dad and I have separated."
She wants a divorce. She started yelling in another language only my aunt could understand but I caught a few words. Now she's in my brother's room again.
I wish she would stop yelling and threatening suicide and hitting me. It's getting tiring.
I just need someone to talk to in real life. I need a hug, I feel so cold and empty and alone.
Edit: my mum came into my room later and talked to me and criticized me for liking women and doing bad at school, then she yelled at me because I was putting my hand in front of my face. It's the middle of the night, I'm tired, everything hurts, I don't want to deal with people anymore.
Sorry about the rant.
― 𝒍𝒖𝒏𝒂
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