open my heart

THE TALK

⚠️MENTIONS OF SELF HARM, ED AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT⚠️

JISUNG'S POV

I tried to act like I had no idea what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?" I asked, even tho I knew the answer.

He just came up to me, took my hand and he pulled up my sleeve.

aint no way I'm getting out of this now

"Can we just....not?"

"It's your thing, I'm not gonna force you to talk about it. I just want you to know, that I'm here for you."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I just stood there, not knowing my answer. I went downstairs and sat on the couch, Minho following my actions.

"I think...it started when I found out my dad was a cheater."

He looked at me, i saw that, even tho I wasn't exactly looking at him.

"I was eight when I walked to my parents bedroom, seeing my dad fucking our housemaid. I didn't really get it, I was a child. I just knew that my daddy was doing something he probably shouldn't. I judged that by his reaction. He yelled at me to get out. I was scared, he never yelled at me before."

I was staring into space, just talking.

"I went to my room, confused and scared. My dad came into my room few minutes later. He sat next to me, and explained that this housemaid was just helping him with something. I asked him "why did you yell at me?""

I said, mimicking a scared kid's voice

"He told me that mommy can't find this out, and he told me to keep this a secret. The dumb kid I was, I did exactly just that."

I then sighed, moving my position, because my legs were getting numb.

"Well, my mom eventually found out. I was thirteen, I knew what my dad did now. I never told my mom tho, because I was scared of my dad. The quilt was eating me alive. When she found out, instead of filling for divorce, as any normal person would do, she didn't want to leave him. Instead, she gave him another child to try and save this fucked up family. That is how Ari was born."

I sighed.

"It did brought us together a little bit, but not for long. Ari was three when my dad started clubbing and cheating on my mom every chance he got. She knew it, but didn't do anything. She fell into depression, and was unable to take care of Ari, nor herself. I was the one taking care of my mom and my sister. I myself needed help, but I never reached out for it. It was destroying me from the inside, it was too much. One day, I had enough. I took a knife and cut myself. It wasn't anything that bad, but still, it was self harm. I found a new way to escape, and once I did, I had no intention of giving it up."

I looked at my wrist.

"Wrists, thighs, shoulders, ancles, hips, chest....
....you name it. I tried every place I could. I then started getting really bad and almost slitted my wrists so many times. I was so close one day, I was already in the filled bath, blade in my hand. But I could do it. Like, what if Ari found me? I couldn't do that to her. I had this battle in me going on. Then my dad met his new girlfriend at a bar. I guess she was satisfying him better then any other girl he slept with in the past three years. He took her home and threw us out."

I felt my eyes tear up.

"My mom eventually had to give up and move with me and Ari. He gave us a week to pack all of our things and move out, but we had to live with that bitch under a same roof. I felt so disgusted by my father. That was when I started developing my eating disorder. You know the rest already.
All of this happened in the last eleven years of my life."

I finally looked at Minho. He was looking at me, with tears in his eyes. He pulled me in a hug. I could feel his tears dropping.

"Why are you crying? Are you okay?" I asked him

He chuckled a little bit
"I should be the one asking you that."

"I'm okay, really."

"Jisung..." he said as he hugged me tighter

"Yeah?"

"Promise me......promise me that if it gets that bad again......you will tell me."

he said. I could hear him crying

"Minho, you're already helping me so much right now, taking most of my worries out of my shoulders and putting it on yours. I don't want to burden you with that too."

He pulled away from the hug. He took my shoulders and started into my eyes.

"Jisung, you're not a burden to me at all. I am the happiest when I'm with you, when I see you smile, it melts my heart, and I would do anything just to make you happy. I don't want to see you suffer jisung. Please, just promise me."

We kept staring into each other's eyes.

"Okay, I promise."

"You mean it?" he asked me

"Yeah."

"Pinky-swear?"

I chuckled at his actions.

"Pinky-promise."

He then pulled me into his arms and I melted in his touch

I don't know what we are, Lee Minho.....
.....but I like what we are