Mirror MIne

Chapter 1

Riley was used to these feelings of self-hate unworthy of being loved, the feelings consumed her she felt she was losing everything. A relationship one she thought would go far gone, an aunt she loved gone, a grandmother she loved gone, and another grandmother holding on to the hope her family gave her. Riley always found it hard to breathe the doubt in her heart the fact she felt she was slipping into herself smiling on the outside but breaking and yet unable to express her hurt the truth was she didn't know how to communicate these issues it hurt too much, and with that came the fear, the fear that if she was to convey the hurt and let it burn she would be rejected from everyone she loved for what she felt was selfish so she kept to herself no one knew the hurt the way she was morning her loses of the ones she loved the way it hurt. but that hasn't been the case we should start from the beginning.

Two Years Earlier

Riley was 19 she had just started her first real Closing a fast food joint she loved her job she got along with all her coworkers except the GM, not because she had authority issues but because he would let other coworkers verbally abuse her. She had been on a break with two of her coworkers Dustin and Zack they had been talking about sexuality and she had mentioned she was Bisexual and Zack told everyone and made horrible jokes about her. about how she was bi and no one wanted her and how she was a cheater because she loved both and that wasn't and still isn't what bisexuality is she had gone to her GM and she was told if she didn't want those jokes she shouldn't have said anything. That sentence hurt her she couldn't believe what she was hearing but she did just that she stopped talking about herself and instead Talked about her family which was her lifeline if she needed something she went to them. One day when she went on break one of her managers came up to her Hannah ( The manager) asked her about the jokes and Riley told her after hearing the issue Hannah made the jokes stop but it didn't change how Riley felt she knew she couldn't talk to them about herself again instead of sexuality jokes it was weight jokes Riley wasn't fat but she wasn't skinny. She tried not to let these jokes get to her but she couldn't help it she started to wear larger uniforms not one person noticed but she felt their judgment. She started skipping Breakfast and lunch and it had been working she was losing weight but her mother caught on and told her she was perfect she had a hard time believing her mom but decided she would eat right again for her parents and her sisters after about 9 months of this she had gotten a new job. She was happy until one year later in December She had lost her Aunt Miriam it was hard but she was determined to be strong for her mom. It had hit her mom hard and then the GM of her new job went on vacation for 2 weeks During these two weeks Riley had to deal with two of her sisters getting bitten by a dog, celebrating her last Christmas with her gram Renee this is where the heartbreak started her gram Renee had been diagnosed with a heart infection that was too far along to be cured the sent her home with hospice it was only a matter of time Riley knew this but it still hurt her though. Her Assistant manager was an ass about all of this even though he knew the circumstances. On that Wedsnday Riley got the stomach flu from one of her sisters and had to call out of work That next night Thursday the worst happened her Gram Renee died her mom had gotten the call Riley was too stunned to speak or even cry, but still she went to work the next day trying not to cry her world was falling apart this started the self-hate she wonders why, Why did god have to take her away why was it so soon Riley had felt she didn't get to say goodbye she wanted her to know that she loved her and she wished she could've visited more Hug her just a little tighter but her hours wouldn't allow it. Riley had so many regrets. She wanted to be able to tell her of her first getting her license which didn't happen First boyfriend so on, She didn't get that she got severe anxiety and depression (which wasn't her gram's fault she knew that) she also got what her mom survivors guilt the fact she didn't notice how sick her gram Renee was, Riley felt selfish for missing her she knew her gram was in a better place it just wasn't with her and that's what hurt the most. After her GM came back from vacation she told her everything from the blame of the store that the assistant manager put on her, her life stresses and the cherry on top the assistant manager Sean told the GM Riley had made up her gram Renees death, As the words escaped the Gms lips Riley couldn't breathe the way they made it sound like she pretended to Lose someone so important Riley felt like she had been stabbed in the heart she was hurting and it was all a lie. Riley didn't stand for this she had put in her two weeks and left after a couple of months she had to bury her Gram Renee from seeing her in the casket to when they put her in the ground those we the hardest five months of her life she felt like it wasn't worth it to breathe without her and try to live as if she was here the world kept spinning but her heart wanted it to stop she wanted her back and on top of that the holidays hurt and her birthday was close this was going to be the first one without her it hurt her to think that there would be no happy birthday no more visits nothing that thought killed her how was she going to do it