Naru Henituse

Part 8

Among the priorities that Cale had grown to treasure, comforting a grieving widower had fallen to the wayside. Should he have been an actual four year old with no memory of the coming decades, he would have done just as he did in the past. Comforted and cajoled his father until his honey smile returned and laughter filled the halls.

The crying infant that was Naru Henituse had no such opportunity to comfort him and thus, had not won a role in his heart.

Cale hadn't expected how cold he felt looking at his father.

Perhaps it was the accumulation of stress, bitterness, and helpless efforts, but the gaunt figure of his father didn't inspire any pity inside of him.

It was strange.

He knew that he loved his father. That he grieved for him horribly after the fall of the Henituse territory. How memories of his fathers shade would haunt him in the years to come and how dearly he wanted to apologize for being so troublesome in his youth.

Yet, he only felt cold reuniting like this.

He tightened his grip on Naru and for a miserable moment he realized precisely why.

It wasn't true hatred directed at his father.

Self hatred.

In Deruth's sad brown eyes, Cale saw in an instant a reflection of his past. The version of himself that never treasured Naru.

Flickers of long dead memories of how he bonded with his father through grief and not a single memory of visiting Naru's cribside. While Cale had the excuse of being a child, what was Deruth's excuse...?

Since when did I value Naru that much?

Regret, grief, and self hatred were his motivations for protecting Naru. His younger brother who never received his warmth. Cale didn't really know Naru.

Cale's apathetic disregard for his little brother was what led to so much pain over the years. It was how the innocent child had been so easily stolen by the vassal families as a tool for their power games and Cale blamed himself for that.

He blamed himself for that all these years because he was the sort who struggled to blame those that he loved.

Cale at four years old was incapable of seeing his fathers faults.

Cale as a teenager had been too stubborn to pay attention.

But Cale at the age of thirty had seen many men drown themselves in self pity and become worthless, he saw it in his own reflection each day, and so he recognized his father for what he was.

Naru shifted in Cale's arms and he looked down at the boy, realizing with a start that this would be Naru's first introduction to his father.

"Cale..." Deruth hesitantly entered the room, a distant expression in his eyes. As though looking for a lifeline or salvation.

He's probably drunk. Cale made the assessment quickly. Men such as this often hid their woes inside of a bottle. Or other mind altering substances that made the world disappear. Regardless of the substance, it wasn't wise to let a person like that near a child.

Cale clicked his tongue and stood up, placing Naru safely onto the carpet behind him. "If he starts acting strange, go hide until Ron comes." Cale warned in a low voice before standing up between his brother and his father.

"What brings you here, father?"

The clipped tone of Cale's voice caused Deruth to pause midstep, looking even more confounded. Lost and confused like a child.

Come to think of it, father is younger than me right now.

His father should be twenty-six or twenty-seven years old this year.

The man who was perpetually older, bigger, and wiser, now felt like a young fool who was in over his head. If he really thought about it, Deruth became Count at quite a young age. Old enough to be properly educated but young enough to lack all experience.

It still wasn't acceptable to drop all of his duties so shamelessly but Cale could understand what it was like to be a young fool who lost everything.

Cale was only a few years younger than Deruth when he lost it all.

"Can't a father visit his son?"

Son.

Singular.

The pity in Cale's heart hardened.

He could excuse it as the rambling of a drunk but only just.

Just how far would Naru's existence be dismissed?

"Sons." Cale hissed, unable to contain himself. He knew better than to antagonize a man lost in the dreams of substance abuse but he just couldn't let it go.

Naru was right there.

He woke up each day, he breathed, he lived, he was healthy and lively–

How much of Naru's future sickliness was due to neglect?

Naru was real. A child who shouldn't and couldn't be denied. He didn't know anything, all he could do was toddle about and say a few short words, he was Cale's only constant companion for the last year.

More than that, he was Naru.

A child who was stupidly attentive and bright. Hardworking and sweet. A child that Cale rejected and rejected and rejected at every possible turn in his life and then–

Naru's body was nearly torn in half.

His eyes wide with pain before they dimmed with death.

Cale didn't make it in time.

The first time he saw his brother in more than five years was the moment he watched him die.

Cale clenched his fists.

He was no better than Deruth, despite his moral grandstanding. He knew his own mistakes better than his accomplishments.

Deruth swayed and his uneven gaze moved to the tiny figure behind Cale. He muttered not quite under his breath "the other one..." and Cale wanted to punch his father for the first time in his entire life. Even during the heights of his rebellion, Cale had never felt this way.

He wanted to protect his family. His whole family. Deruth and Naru both.

Yet resentment coiled inside of him and his heart grew colder with wretched misery.

And from there, he found peace.

Cale danced with despair for ten years alone at war.

Facing his father was nothing in comparison.

"Ron."

The servant appeared from behind the door, ever present and patient. An entity of betrayal and loyalty intermixed to complexity but the one who remained at Cale's side the longest.

"Escort my father back to his room. I'll come to see him later tonight."

When he calmed down, when he could face his father without boiling with rage, when he knew what to do with his own wretched feelings of wretched guilt.

Deruth didn't argue or struggle as he was guided out of the room and Cale sank to his knees with no strength left.

A tiny hand touched his sleeve and Cale closed his eyes, his lower lip trembling as wretched self hatred threatened him.

"...I'm sorry."

Naru didn't say anything but he hugged Cale's arm gently. Cale returned the hug, trembling and unsure.

"I'm a shit older brother. I'm sorry, Naru."

You never deserved to be abandoned like that.

And he would do anything to ensure it never happened again.