The Scientific Method

The Observation

Bruce and his kids were all sitting in the dining room for breakfast, occupied with their activities. Bruce was reading the paper, Damian was drawing, Tim was working on a case (as always), and Jason was reading. It was very peaceful- maybe too peaceful. Bruce should have known it wouldn't last long, not with this band of hooligans in his house.

Dick inevitably grew bored of the quiet and decided to ask everyone individually what they were doing. Very loudly. Bruce sighed. He loved his son dearly, but for the love of god, he couldn't read and listen simultaneously.

Dick's interruption got everyone off track and all talking to each other, except for Tim, who seemed to be very focused on his laptop. The others seemed to notice how well Tim was ignoring them, and how zombie-like he had gotten over the last few days, and they (of course) decided to bother him.

"Hey Timmy," Dick said with a smirk as he leaned over to look at his brother's computer screen. Tim quickly turned it away from him, mumbling something incoherent.

"What was that? Couldn't hear you." Bruce smiled at the humorous display unfolding in front of him, almost not holding in his laughter at the unimpressed look that Tim was giving his brother.

"This is a private investigation, Dick," Tim explained irritably. "I can't show you." He continued to work, although it wasn't for too long, as Jason's head snapped up in shock. His book was abandoned on the counter as he walked over to Tim and Dick.

"Woah there, Timmers. Do we need to talk?" Visible confusion clouded Tim's expression as he stared up at Jason, raising his eyebrow. Everyone's attention was now on them.

Tim sat in silence for a moment, trying to formulate a proper sentence, but before he could say anything in response, Dick suddenly realized the joke and said, "Yeah Tim. Who's privates are you investigating?!"

The boys burst out laughing, Jason and Dick high-fiving each other. Alfred gently chided them for the implication, but he too was smiling slightly. Damian chuckled as Tim slid further down in his seat, his face turning pink.

"I sure hope you're not one of those mentally ill homosexuals," Damian quipped, his tone dry and amused. That sent Jason to the floor and Dick crying and coughing as Bruce looked on in bewilderment.

Had he missed something? It sounded bad without context, but maybe they just had an... extremely weird inside joke going and Bruce just didn't know?

A question tugged at his brain: were his kids homophobic? That couldn't be right, not at all. They were constantly around people of different identities in the league. Bruce shrugged it off as he did almost everything his boys got up to and went back to reading the paper, though the question remained.

'It's only one occurrence,' Bruce thought. 'I'm sure it's just a joke.'

The Question

Bruce stood in the kitchen with his cup of coffee. It was late afternoon now, and all of his kids had just returned from their errands and were all hanging out together in the living room. Bruce watched them with a fond smile, sighing once again at the calm atmosphere in his home.

And once again, that didn't last long.

This time it was Tim who snickered and tapped Damian on the shoulder and tapped Damian on the shoulder to show him something on his phone. Damian read it over and immediately facepalmed.

"I'm coming to see!" Jason announced when he saw Damian's reaction, jumping up from his position on the couch over to where Tim was, Dick right on his heels.

"Kon sent me a link to another of Lex's tweets," Tim told them as he showed them the screen. Jason and Dick laughed, Dick adding, "Oh man, we'd better watch out for those gay people!"