The Many Regrets of a Cyborg Werewolf

Where does it hurt? - XXXVIII

The light tapping of silverware on porcelain slowly stirred Luke awake, his crusted eyes opening slowly as he took in where he was. He was laying on the couch, a blanket over him, and felt pressure on his legs. He looked down to see Colonel laying on top of him, melting into a pool over his lap, and searched for the source of the noise. He didn't have to look far to see Erin sitting in one of the chairs, stirring a small cup. It smelled like tea.

"Good morning," she said, "and for once it actually is morning."

"I slept?" Luke asked.

"All night," Erin picked up her cup, motioning to the blanket, "I don't know if you were cold, but you were shivering."

"Happened last time," Luke groaned, recalling his first change into his mer form. He glanced around the apartment, "where is everybody?"

"Mahi's getting groceries," Erin began preparing a second cup, "your fridge was getting low. Mercer's analyzing the vial we brought back."

"Did anyone call?" He asked as he sat up.

"You mean Joan?" Erin asked, sliding a cup and saucer towards him on the table. "No, not yet."

"I should go see her," Luke tried to move his legs, but the sleeping dog didn't budge. Luke furrowed his brow at the difficulty it took to slide his legs out.

"I think it's better you rest," Erin said, "like you said... last time you were pretty out of it. Immortal or not, you still take your share of lumps."

"Nobody is immortal," Luke said plainly as he stood up, stretching.

"Don't have to tell me after last night," Erin said as she took a sip. Luke looked down at her, noticing Erin's lack of eye contact.

"You're upset," Luke said. Erin didn't respond, "what happened last night-"

"You don't need to explain yourself to me," Erin put her cup down. "I don't judge you for what you feel you need to do."

"That sounds judgemental," Luke said. She looked at him with a frown.

"I just don't get it," Erin shrugged, "why after so long of trying not to kill and eat people, it just suddenly goes out the window? I mean, I get it, it was the vampire essence, but I just, I don't know..." she let out a sigh, placing her hands on her knees. "I just kind of thought you were... stronger than that."

"Sorry to disappoint," Luke said as he sat back down.

"Why are you like this?" Erin asked.

"You mean why am I an asshole?" He asked as he picked up his cup, "or why I kill people?"

"Both," Erin said, sounding frustrated.

"Because I'm not a human being," he said, taking a sip, only to find it too hot. "I've never been a human being, and I'll never be a human being. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can stop being disappointed in me."

"I don't buy that for a second," Erin said, "you may think I'm stupid, but even I know that a man who hates himself as much as you do isn't content with what he is. For someone who 'will never be human,' you sure do a good impression." Erin crossed her arms, "shitty human attitude and everything."

"And what if that's all it is?" Luke asked, "an impression? Maybe I just like pretending, and you just happened to peer behind the curtain? Maybe all I am is an animal looking for his next meal? Isn't everyone, after all, human or not? Pretending you're not all animals just trying to survive. Isn't the most human thing you can do is lie about yourself? Isn't that what it's all fucking about?"

"Luke..." Erin uttered. He looked at her in confusion, until he felt something running down his face, and felt around his nose and cheeks. He pulled his fingers back to see they were wet. It was tears.

"I don't-" Luke shook his head. Something wasn't right. His head hurt, and he felt somehow dulled. He composed himself, unsure why he even let himself break down like that, and kept his eyes off her. "It was for Joan. She was with me, somehow, during all of it. When I fed she did as well, and... and I'm not saying I didn't want to, just that there was more going on." Erin uncrossed her arms, her gaze looking away dejectedly.

"I've never thought of you as an animal," she said, "and I'm not blaming you. I couldn't, not unless I also wanted to blame myself. You doing that... for you it's natural, I mean." Luke didn't respond. There was nothing more he could say that wouldn't be talking in circles, and he'd already said enough. Instead he simply stood up and headed to the kitchen, stopping briefly by the island.

"If you want to judge me for anything," he said as he pulled a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard, "judge me for this." Erin rolled her eyes as Luke pulled the cork, only to be met with confusion. The familiar odour of his choice of drink was missing, or rather not as potent, and he wondered if he'd left it opened. Luke took a swig and immediately spit it out, gagging as Erin leapt for her seat.

"What's wrong?" She hurried into the kitchen as Luke recovered from the assault on his taste buds.

"The hell happened to it?" He asked as of the liquor that had sprayed everywhere. He tried another sip, this one smaller, and felt burning in his mouth. Once again he was forced to pull away, spitting the whiskey into the sink as his eyes watered. Erin took the bottle from him, holding it up to her nose, then taking a small sip of her own.

"Tastes normal to me," she said with a slight wince, placing the bottle on the counter as she grabbed some paper towels.

"I'll do it," he held out his hand, "it's my mess." By now the commotion had gotten Mercer's attention, and the doctor appeared from the hallway to see what was happening.

"Is everyone alright?" He asked, just in time to see Luke finish sopping up the spilled alcohol.

"It's fine," Luke said, "I guess I'm just-" Luke stood up, banging his head on the lip of the island, and seething from the pain. That's when he realized, and from the expression on her face, so did Erin. Suddenly it was starting to add up. Luke immediately went for one of the drawers, searching for the cutlery, and pulled a steak knife from the drawer. Luke held it to his arm.

"Don't-!" Erin cried, but Luke ignored her. He dragged the blade across his skin, wincing as he cut himself, only to pull back as the pain was too great. The cut immediately began to bleed, and Luke watched it, waiting for the wound to close. It should've closed instantly, or at least in a few seconds, but the cut didn't even begin to heal, simply bleeding right onto the kitchen floor.

"Lucas?" Mercer asked, watching the wound remain open. Erin reached out to hold Luke's arm.

"It's not closing," she uttered. Erin looked up at Luke, his face painted in confusion and worry, watching his arm bleed as any human's would.