Against those fairytales

past memories

Flashback
I saw children age similar to mine, playing  with ball. All were laughing and playing. They were enjoying their best life. Through the window, I stared them like a something luxury. Their laugh made me smile. Suddenly, the ball hit the window glasses. I hid my face down. They, without notice and care took the ball and starting playing again.
"Why the neighbour uncle paint his wall black."
"He told me that there was some ghost lived there. He too don't live this place."
"Ghost are only in movies."
"No, my mother too scolded me one day when I went to see."
"We shouldn't check other properties. Maybe there is some cash there. My dad told me to never enter in someone's property unless you are thief."
All were murmuring but I couldn't hear any voice there. I just blankly noticed them. My little feet and bony structure was trying her best to lift those toes and get a proper view of window. I was starving. I didn't ate since yesterday dinner. When will uncle bring the food, I was only thinking about that.
" See Valentina, what I bought??" I heard footsteps and plastic unwrapping.  I got scared and then  get off myself from the window.
I saw him. He was something like mid age 40 year old. I lifted my face up to see his clear view. All scars on face. He brought me some noodles.
" eat slowly or it would choke you." He told me while folding his arms.
He caressed my cheeks.
" Valentine, I am sorry I beated you yesterday. But you also know, how much I love you. You don't know this world is merciless. Your own mom left me. Only I am the reason you are surviving. You are here. You should be grateful to have such great uncle . One day, when you would be young and beautiful,I will give you to my dearest friend. He would take care of you."
I held him firmly.
" don't leave me." I firmed the grip. "I won't ask you for mom again. Please don't leave me." I cried.
Deep inside, I wanted to. I wanted that how my mom sung me lullaby. How she caressed my head while making me sleep. How she won't leave the room until I sleep. I wish, my mom would never left me.
" Did you get any scars?"
He checked me from top to bottom.
" undress yourself."
I did as he told. He was checking every part of mine.
"Ok, I am leaving."
I grabbed his shirt. Through my innocent eyes, I glared him a little longer.
" Being alone is scary. When will you come?"
" Soon."
As he was gone, the darkness took over the light. And all I was laying on my floor.
Darkness was disturbing my mind, I felt all  alone. The unknown was crippling in my ear. Whispering that I was not safe. I heard someone walking, no, I saw someone walking. I was afraid. The presence of nothing was freezing me. I turned on the light and then I tried to sleep. After some whimpering, I felt asleep.
This story is not about one day. My whole childhood went like this. I never saw real world, all I saw darkness. I never felt love. I was just spending my years in prison but wasn't I too do any crime. Does being naive crime in this brutal world??
Don't ask how many days were spent, when I couldn't count years of it.
My hands were shaking when he raised his hand, but all he did care about scars. Those freaking scars. Does scar really necessary to calculate the pain one bear. If that was necessary, will they count my fears of every night.
He manipulated me whole the time. Made me believe all his pretty lies. Limiting my life in four walls. I was kid, I wanted the support and love and affection so I accepted from anywhere I get. There was an old saying, " when you don't get love in plate. You learned to lick it from knife " I felt like an animal planned for slaughter. I was destined to kill by my owner. The one who raised me will end my life. The betrayal, the hurt. While my life, I never felt less than an animal planned for slaughter. I am glad, I escaped from that terrible life. But after that escape, it wasn't easy. It was much harder. Harder than I ever imagined. My childhood was in darkness, and my teen was in hustle. In my adults, I didn't had energy to feel anything now. I over work so I could just spend my life. I never loved my whole life, I just spend. Lucky are those who have memories, I have nightmares. Slowly crippling inside my feet. To this day, I didn't close my lights due to my past fears. I shivered when I felt anything similars.
I grabbed my hand and bit my lips so I could control my fears, my anxiety, the overflowing emotions in heart. The blur  vision of eyes took over my courage. I begin to cry and cry. I felt like someone knocking. But now, for some sake of period, I couldn't become Valentina. I was 5 year kid. Who was crying and blaming the god that what she did to deserve it.

Yuma pov

I was completing my novels in my study room and my only servant told me  that some young girl was waiting for me. I left all my work. And rushed to the door to welcome her, this time it should be her. Ohh!! She wasn't here. There was so me fan waiting for my autograph. I signature her paper and thanked her for the affection. But I was waiting for my first love. I write so she could read. Everyday I wait for her, and in presence is present in every story of mine. Wish I would see her again. And this time when we meet, she would love me and wouldn't leave me.
Where are you my first love??

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