Hello. I don't really know where to start, other than the fact that I am, in fact, very depressed. But you see, I have no other choice than to be okay. So at this point I have both middle fingers up to the world. You can join me if you'd like. It'd be a pleasure to share the title of "Social Reject" with someone who cares as little as me. You see, I wasn't always a cynical stereotype of the depressed teenager. I once was a very happy, kind, remotely funny girl. I was (and still am because I'm pretty damn cute) chubby, short, not that appealing, but nowhere near this judgmental of others. Mostly due to the fact i didn't have much room to talk being 5'3'' and 230lbs, But I got over it to the point where I hate everyone equally. While I was happy, I didn't care about much. Then as life goes, some shit happens, now I still don't care, but in much different context.
I remember not caring in the context of how I looked, who I was, how I was doing mentally, as long as others benefited from it. But now I don't care in the context which, well, everyone can jump off a bridge and I wouldn't blink. The caring changed from me not caring about myself, to not caring about others. Now i know what you're thinking, "Ah yes, another teen trying to find herself. Giving the 'I Don't Care Vibe' while she's hopelessly lost." Point taken. But I honestly don't care what you think about me, as long as, well, you're thinking about me. Because you can hate me with a burning passion, or you could love me with your entire heart. Either way, you're thinking about me, which makes me smile knowing I'm what's ruining your life, making you lose sleep, and wasting time thinking.
Back to the whole "Social Reject" title. My dad used to always tell me something about them... The people who sat in the corners at parties, the ones who wore black lipstick everyday, the people who wear capes... He said "If you ever get to talk to them, just listen, don't waste their time with you stories, because sweetheart I promise, they have the best stories, and if you ever happen to become one, share those million dollar stories with anyone that asks." I think about that a lot, because I do wanna be the girl everyone makes fun of for wearing black in the summer, I wanna get dirty looks from parents because I look like the girl they warn their kids about, I want to be that girl because, only the people who matter enough get to know me, if I'm "That Girl". I'm funny, beautiful, creative, weird, with a huge heart, and everything someone should want in a person. By those people judging me, it gives the people worth my time the chance to say hello...
Most people see me and my friends and think we're the loud teenagers that steal from the mall and worship Satan... I remember this one time me and my best friend were at a carnival. This older blonde with a daughter were behind us in line. She looked at us and gave us a rather disapproving look several times. We rode the ride and as we got off my best friend gave the daughter a stuffed animal she had won earlier that day. The woman didn't even say thank you. This made me really mad. I just hope that daughter doesn't turn out the way her mom did. Every time one of my friends and I go into public I compliment at least 3 people. Typically the friend that doesn't get compliments, you know, the friend whose head hangs just a little lower, the friend who walks behind the group, the plus size or super skinny friend, the one who never quite meets expectations. That's the friend I compliment to see them smile. One time i saw this larger lady, but she was stunning. Her curves were beautiful and her face was one of a goddess. So, i stopped her and simply said "You're very beautiful, sorry for interrupting your day." She started crying just repeating thank you... The fact that, that was probably the first time in a long time that she has been called beautiful is disgusting. I don't like people being sad, none of us "Social Rejects" do. Next time you wanna say something bad about us or wanna compliment some one remember what you just read.
I've noticed something, the sad people that get left out, that are hurt, that everyone hates, are the nicest damn people on this planet. They get hurt everyday by people just to go around complimenting random people to make themselves smile. One day, I was walking and there was a larger woman there and i stopped her and simply said "You're Beautiful." she teared up and got the biggest smile on her face. Do you realize how that made me feel? I felt invincible. Her smile is what made me keep going until I found another reason. I didn't do anything special either, I just told the truth. Everyone is beautiful. Just some of us more than others, and not in the way you expect. I'm not talking about being skinny or getting all the guys. I'm talking about being beautiful because you kept trying, or you help people in need, anyone who is compassionate and empathetic is beautiful. The people everyone looks down on, like homeless people who have nothing but are willing to give everything they have, they're beautiful. The people who have foster homes just because they can't stand children not having what they need, they're beautiful. Anyone that has ever put up a fight for what they love and believe in, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL! Everyone is beautiful. Just the ones with the big hearts are the ones that catch my eye. They're the most beautiful.
