I see life as a journey with many roads, and along these roads, there are many streetlamps. Some of these lamps I will see on one road and never again. Some which I still catch a glimpse of now and then. Some of these lamps reappear as I turn the corner onto a new road. Some of these just disappear themselves. Never two of the same, each one unique in their own way.
Not many are like me, many walk these roads with some of these streetlamps becoming handheld lamps that they carry. Maybe one day those lights will estinguish, or perhaps it will be an ever glowing flame, who knows.
I yearn to be like them, silly thought of mine, one streetlamp on an unsuspecting road made me thought maybe I could. Maybe I could have that light in my darkness that others have. Maybe I could have one to lean on like others have. Maybe I could have a light to accompany me on my journey.
Stupid. Foolish. Idiot.
The light that brought me out of my darkness threw me deeper into the abyss. The light that burst my black bubble sunk me furthur into the void.
Why?
Why do I keep forcing this streetlamp to be my portable lamp? Why did I keep holding on even when turning into new roads? Why did I keep trying to catch a glimpse of it even after it has disappeared?
I was not meant to have that light. Or any light for that matter. Not me, not my life.
I will try to let go, for this light has caused me enough pain. Not at all directly. Oh no, this light has been there in infinite darkness, has been with my joy and sadness. The pain is caused by its disappearing glimmer, slowly pushing me back into the darkness to suffer alone.
I have resigned to the fact. I will cherish the light as a precious memory. For it is now nothing more.
I will cherish
Our time
Our words
Our laughter
Our sadness
Most of all, I will cherish the time I had a good friend.
Letting go, moving on. Now, you are just another streetlight.
Goodbye.
[14 June 2015]
